Enough
by Tangerine1204
Summary: Jackie has had enough of the crap that Point Place has to offer...
1. Moving On

Author's Note: I don't own _That 70s Show_. If I did, I would _**not**_ allowed the horror that was Season 8… This is my first fic, so be nice! =)

Jackie Burkhart had had enough.

She had been through hell and back. And somehow, she survived. Who knew she was this strong?

As she looked at herself in the mirror, she thought about all the shit that she had to go through to get to this point. All the tears, the heartbreak, the cruelty of people who she adored, and thought loved her in return. They didn't, and by their actions they've proven it, and she had belittled them so much in her heart and mind that their lack of attention wasn't even a blip on her radar. She was going to do better. She was going to _be_ better.

And it was all starting today. Today, as she got ready to move out of this godforsaken town, with miserable memories, and even more miserable people. She was going to New York, where she can forget, start over, _be somebody._ Where she would find people that love her, and cherished her. Where she would start and graduate college, and not have to depend on anyone but herself. It was the greatest gift that she could ever give herself – the gift of self-preservation. For how many times can you be ignored? How many times can you watch the love of your life – the man you would've sold your soul for – hug and kiss someone else? All while watching you, knowing you were slowly dying inside? And how many times can you watch your best friend – someone who you considered a _sister_ – sit back and watch as he was slowly killing you? Just letting it happen, without thought of the agony that you were feeling? Jackie had been more than just a joke – she had been a human punching bag. And the two most important people in her life had taken so much out of her, that she had been ripped off her tether, falling into pieces as they ripped and shredded her sense of self.

That ended today.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, she looked around the room to see if she had missed anything else in her packing. There were only three people in this town who knew about her acceptance to New York University, and that is the way she wanted to keep it. The Formans & Fez. She knew it was only a matter of time before the foreigner blew out her secret, which is the reason that she only told him last night, when he caught her packing. Strangely enough, after giving him her reasons for leaving, he said something so uncharacteristically profound and perceptive that she was momentarily speechless. "Out of all of us, you're the one that deserves the most happiness. It's your right, Jackie."

She was so shocked; she had no idea what to say. And what he said next _really_ threw her for a loop.

"You're the best of us."

She was so awed and amazed at the declaration that she burst into tears. Just when she thought she didn't have any more moisture left in her 95 pound body, here this perverted foreigner who had tried countless times to peek at her while she was in the shower, acknowledged her pain and suffering.

It was like a drug.

"Th-th-thank you, Fez," she blubbered. "Tha-tha-tha-that means so much to me, that you would say that, think that."

"It's true," he said, handing her a tissue so she can wipe her tears. "You deserve more than what you've received, my goddess. I'm just pissed that no one else can see that."

"I'm gonna miss you, Fez."

"Are you ever coming back?" he inquired.

"I don't think so," she admitted. "It's…it's too much. I've gotta get out of this town, Fez. If I don't…I don't want to end up like my mother, Fez – a bitter alcoholic whore who doesn't feel. If I stay…that's who I'll become, Fez. I know it. They've killed everything I wanted, every dream I ever had. And what he didn't kill, Donna maimed. I can't be here anymore."

Jackie was surprised at the look of understanding on Fez's face.

"I know. I'm surprised you didn't leave sooner."

She smiled sadly. "I keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, even though they've proved time and again that they don't deserve it. But I'm done with that," she vowed. "I'm not letting myself be a victim _anymore." _

Fez looked at her, amazed. This is the Jackie that he became enamored with. This girl, who was so beautiful that it sometimes hurt just to look at her, this girl whose determination was only overpowered by her fierce love and loyalty. The delicacy that had permeated the air around her for so many months was gone. In its place, was a sense of fierce pride and determination borne out of humiliation and endless months of needless cruelty. They had broken her, Fez realized. And this girl that stood before him had put herself together with any piece of tape and glue she could find – and was fucking pissed about it.

It was at that moment that he knew that wherever she was going…whoever stood in her way was getting their ass handed to them on a silver platter.

It was fucking sexy.

"Where are you going?"

"I've been accepted into New York University for their journalism program. Classes start in 2 weeks."

"You're moving to New York?"

"Yeah. But, Fez, please," she begged. "Don't tell anyone, okay? The only people that know are you and the Formans. I want to keep it that way, okay?"

"Okay. I promise I won't tell."

It surprised her that he agreed to her request so quickly. She would've expected some demand for an explanation, but Fez surprised her with his willingness to go along with her secret. She told him this.

"You don't owe me an explanation. After all you've been through…you don't answer to anyone. If this makes you happy, go for it. Although," he smiled wickedly, "I'm not opposed to giving you some of the Fezzie goodness that you missed out on in our hour-long relationship…"

Jackie laughed, thinking of the relationship that she had fooled herself into believing she wanted with him. Their relationship had lasted exactly one hour.

"No, Fezzie," she giggled. "But could you give me a ride to the airport tomorrow? My flight leaves at 1, and I wanted to go say goodbye to the Formans before I leave."

"Of course, my goddess."

As she entered her room to grab her purse, she had to admit that she was surprised at how easy the conversation with Fez went. She had expected some sort of Fez-like tantrum, but she had to admit that she was happy that it didn't go down that way. She would honestly miss the foreigner, and she had promised to call him as soon as soon as she landed and got settled in.

Jackie looked at the room that had become her sanctuary for the past several months. Now that everything was packed and on its way to New York, the room looked happier, as if it too, was happy that she was leaving. _It must be tired of hearing me cry myself to sleep_, she mused. She didn't blame it, she was tired of crying herself to sleep, too.

"Jackie, you ready?" she heard Fez call. "I put all your luggage in the car. You're all set. You ready to head out?"

She stepped out of her room, ginormous purse in hand, and smiled at her friend. "Yeah, Fezzie. I'm ready."

"Then let's go." Fez smiled back.

She took one more look around her and Fez's apartment and took a deep breath.

"Let's go."

Jackie was quiet on the short ride to the Formans. She knew Kitty & Red were waiting for her to come by and say her goodbyes, and hoped that it would be as easy as her conversation with Fez the night before. Somehow though, she doubted it.

As Fez stopped the car in the Forman driveway, Jackie looked over in his direction. "Ca-can you stay in the car?"

Fez looked at her quizzically.

"It's just," she sighed and continued. "I wanted to say my goodbyes to them in private. They're the closest thing that I have to real parents…"

"And you don't want me to see how hard it is for you to say goodbye to them," Fez finished.

Again, Jackie was surprised at his perceptiveness.

"Yeah."

Fez smiled. "I'll wait in the driveway."

Jackie returned his smile and got out of the car. As she walked towards the kitchen's sliding doors, she was reminded of all the times she has spent in this house, hanging out in this driveway, walking through these doors. She had her heart broken in this house far too many times to count. And yet, still – it was the closest thing to a real home she had ever had.

She walked through the kitchen, through the swinging doors, and into the living room. There, she saw Kitty weeping into Red's chest on the couch.

"Mr. and Mrs. Forman?"

"Oh, Jackie! Hi!"Kitty gave her trademark nervous laugh. "You hungry? You know that plane food is just horrible, I should whip up some good food for you for your trip…"

"No, Mrs. Forman, I'm okay," she answered.

"Oh, all right," she said. "Jackie, I know…I know that this has been a rough couple of months for you…" And so saying, Kitty Forman started sobbing.

"OH MY BABY!" Kitty rushed across the room to where Jackie was standing and threw her arms around the tiny girl. "I can't imagine the pain that you have had to go through these past several months," she blubbered. "But I just want you to know that Red and I are so proud of you and what you're doing. New York is so lucky to have you…"

Red finally broke his silence and spoke. "You're a good girl, Jackie. And I'm sorry those dumbasses downstairs don't realize that. You deserve better, honey."

Jackie was struck dumb as she stepped back and looked at the older couple. She always knew that she loved them, and knew that the love was mutual. But it was there, in that Forman living room, that she realized _how_ much she was loved by Red and Kitty. _So this is what being loved by your parents felt like. Wow, this is really nice…._

Jackie cleared her throat. "Mr. and Mrs. Forman… You have been the absolute best to me. I know I'm just one of your son's dumbass friends…"

Red interrupted. "You're not just one of Eric's dumbass friends. You're family."

Jackie's lower lip trembled, and she had to bite it to still it. It hit her like a ton of bricks the intensity of love that she felt for these people. They cared about her, when her parents abandoned her. The need to share how much they meant to her crawled up her throat and spilled out in tearful bursts.

"Mr. and Mrs. Forman," she started. "I've never had, I never knew – what family was. Or what a home was. I thought those things weren't important, only for poor people," Jackie smiled softly. "But you accepted me into your home, and then hearts…I don't think I can ever repay for what you've done me. You are the parents I wished for when I was a little girl. I…I love you guys so much."

"Oh, sweetheart," Kitty gushed. "We love you too."

Red smiled. "You're my favorite."

Jackie laughed tearfully, and hugged him. "I hope I meet a man that's as wonderful as you, Mr. Forman."

Red chuckled. "Sorry, sweetie but Red Forman is one of a kind."

Jackie pulled back and smiled. "Can't blame a girl for hoping."

After a couple more minutes of hugging and crying, Jackie left the Forman home back to Fez's car. She was beyond shocked when she saw the one person she had hoped to avoid like the Bubonic plague for the rest of her days joking around with Fez – Steven James Hyde.

_Shit_, she thought.

_Whatever¸_ she considered. _This is the last time you'll ever see him, so don't act stressed about it. He's a heartless cruel bastard, anyway. _

Jackie walked through the sliding doors and up to the passenger side of Fez' car. "I'm ready, Fezzie."

"Ready for what?" Hyde mocked. "Is there some manipulative bitch convention that you need to head off to? Shit, I bet you're the key speaker."

Jackie refused to react to his heckling. After months of verbal abuse, she had learned to stay cool under his relentless burns. Learned to be _zen._ She would not allow him to hurt her anymore.

Jackie ignored his comment and looked to Fez. "You ready?"

Hyde smirked. "Running away with your tail between your legs? Knowing you and your _reputation_, I'm sure that's the only thing that hasn't been in between your legs….." he laughed loudly. Only to be smacked so hard that his sunglasses fell to the ground, along with the basketball he had been in his hands.

Fez gasped at the red mark left on Hyde's face, and the accompanying scratch that had been left behind by Hyde's sunglasses as they flew off his face.

"Fuck you, Hyde."


	2. Righteous Fury

A/N: Holy crap, I got reviews! It's so nice that you guys are enjoying this…This chapter is basically a really long flashback - it has a _lot_ of nekkid Hyde and Jackie goodness….and who doesn't like that?

Btw, this is kind of a long chapter, so Merry Christmas kiddies!

Again, I don't own this show…cuz if I did, there would've been a _whole lot less_ of Eric & Donna going at it, and _**a WHOLE LOT MORE**_ of Jackie and Hyde doing so….

Chapter Two: Righteous Fury…

Despite popular belief – or better yet, to the _assailant's_ popular belief – Steven James Hyde did _not_ often get smacked by chicks. He was smart enough to know that in order to get what you want from the female of the species – which was usually sex – you had to respect them and their weird ways. Now, _respecting_ didn't mean acting all pussy like Forman – in fact, there were times when Hyde wondered if maybe _Forman_ was the chick in his relationship with Donna – but Hyde knew the line.

Despite whatever Jackie Burkhart said to the contrary.

Granted, Hyde's mode of respect _could_ be termed _disrespectful_, but usually Hyde termed those ignorant folks assholes, and they often met the end of his fist. He didn't hit women; he knew when a girl said "no" it was exactly that, "_NO."_ He knew that sometimes his burning got out of hand, could be seen as cruel and hurtful, and maybe in some instances, disrespectful.

Especially in the case of one Jacqueline Beulah Burkhart.

But that bitch deserved every burn she received from him. Fucking bitch.

If one were into that pop psychology bullshit, the theory could be made that Hyde's cruelty stemmed from the fact that he was still desperately in love with Jackie. That his heart still ached for those mornings when she would wake up beside him in his cot, all soft and warm from sleep. How his hands almost shook from the need to entangle themselves in her hair as he would pull her in for a kiss. How his lap, which was once her throne, now felt empty and desperate, as her body was the only one that felt truly comfortable on top of him.

And when she was below him….God…

He's had sex with tons of chicks, but Jackie was the only one he had been with in which he felt that _spark_. It was amazing how they were together – how even in their first time together, they moved together instinctively, each moving together like it was a dance they had danced to a million times before. Even now, as Hyde sat in his cot after Fez drove Jackie away after that morning's confrontation, he could still remember their first time together, on this very bed….

_Flashback, December 1977_

"_Puddin' Pop, I can't believe you shaved your beard for me…" Jackie murmured, cupping his cheeks and rubbing her nose against his for an Eskimo kiss. _

"_I thought it'd make you feel better…" Hyde closed his eyes, reveling in her fingers against his face, his arms around her waist, just the_ feel _of her body against his…_

_They were sitting on his chair, a couple of days after Hyde had shaved his beard off, and it was a momentous occasion…made momentous by the fact that they were very much alone. _

"_It was so romantic, Steven..." Jackie looked deep into his eyes, and as Hyde looked back into her mismatched ones, he was surprised to see a look of determination, as if she had made an important decision, right at that moment. _

_Jackie pulled back from him, and continued to look deeply into his eyes. _

"_Make love to me, Steven."_

_And with that, she stood up, and went to his room. _

_Hyde blinked. Did she just say what he_ thought _she said?_

"_Wh-what?" Hyde entered the room, standing on the inside of the door, confused as fuck. Jackie Burkhart didn't sleep with someone because of one romantic gesture. According to what Donna had told him, Jackie had to have a formal declaration of love, accompanied with flowers, chocolates, and a song written_ just for herand_ this special occasion…._

_And a banner. Across the skies of Point Place, or better yet, across the entire state of Wisconsin, declaring Jackie Burkhart the prettiest girl in the state and, of course, the requisite, "I love you, Jackie Burkhart."_

_Hyde had done_ none _of these things. In fact, the fact that he shaved his beard off for this chick should be taken as the _equivalent _of these things, because Steven James Hyde_ did not _do banners. Or song writing. Or even flowers, cuz regardless of how much he was feeling for this one chick (he was still trying to contemplate how it was _Jackie frickin Burkhart _that had inspired those feelings – that was just fucking mind-blowing, and he doubt there was enough pot in the frickin universe to contemplate that crap), he wasn't gonna pussy out like Forman or even fucking Kelso. And at the mere thought of Kelso, who had had this gorgeous girl in front of him before Hyde ever realized how fucking special she was, Hyde stiffened. Because Kelso had had Jackie first, and for reasons best yet undiscovered, Hyde was getting really pissed that Kelso had been her first. And regardless of the fact that Hyde had hated Jackie when they first met, there was a small and unreasonable part of him that was now fucking furious that she hadn't waited for him. _

_It was probably best to exorcise that part of him that was now boiling with fury at the thought of Michael Kelso's hands touching Jackie's petite body, stroking her breasts and thighs…_

_Or better yet, not think about that_ at all_._

"_Steven? Do you not…do you not want to?" Jackie walked to him, and he stepped back, pushed up against the closed door. _

_Hyde looked at her, and was more than surprised to see tears falling down her face. Apparently, Jackie had seen him stiffen, and now thought he didn't want to. Yeah, right. The thought of sleeping with Jackie, of being _inside _Jackie, had terrorized his thoughts since the second her lips left his on that stupid Veteran's Day date. Christ. _

_Hyde stepped away from the door, desperate to quell her train of thought. "No, no, no! Of_ _course I want to. I'm just…confused. I mean, I know that it's a big deal for you, and I…I don't want you to regret it, alright?" _

"_It's not because you don't want me?" Jackie's eyes continued to tear, and as she leaned back against the door, Hyde wondered how in God's name could someone so beautiful ever frickin believe that he didn't want her. _

_And for that, he blamed one fucking Michael Kelso. _

_Hyde grabbed her waist, pulling her against him, so she could_ feel _the effect that having her just say those words had on him. Jackie gave a soft little yelp, looking up at him through her mismatched eyes. He had gotten hard the minute her request left her lips, and it was beyond his comprehension that she would believe that he didn't want her. Christ, if she knew of the agony that he went through during every one of their make out sessions, trying not to pressure her into going further, _knowing _the shit she went through with Kelso…but God. She was fucking hot. Scorching. Her fire had melted right through him every time her tongue went past her lips and into his mouth, and for reasons unknown, Hyde was able to withstand the flame and give her some fire of his own. _

_And now, this incredibly hot, gorgeous thing – was asking Hyde to make love to her. Not fuck her. Not have sex. _Make love.

_He'd never done_ that _shit before, but if he was ever going to make love to someone, he wanted, no, _needed _it to be with her._

"_Does_ that _answer your question?"_

_Jackie smiled, and Hyde found his respect for her growing, as she looked him straight in the eyes, which was a pretty big deal for a girl with her limited experience. That takes balls, man. And from what he knew from this girl, this tiny chick, is that Jackie had a bigger set of balls than most men twice her size. Respect is something that Hyde gave to_ very_ few, and here, in his small room under the Forman basement stairs, he was giving it to this bossy and bitchy brunette. And for reasons he couldn't yet explain or fathom, Jackie was slowly seeping into his bloodstream, driving him slowly mad from wanting her so much and needing her so bad._

_It was enough to get Hyde_ really _pissed off._

_Hyde bent his head down towards her, keeping his eyes on hers, as he took her mouth. His hands cruised along the sides of her body to her hair, and he tried to remember when touching another chick's hair felt _this good. _As he tasted her mouth, Jackie let out a small moan that touched Hyde in places that he_ swore _he didn't have. Places left undiscovered and left for dead. _

"_God, baby," she whimpered. "You taste so good…"_

_Hyde moaned in response. His eyes closed, he could not remember a time in which he had wanted to be balls deep inside a chick so badly, but also drag the process along as long as possible. He broke off from her, his hands cupping her face, and asked the question that he knew he had to ask, and praying the answer was in his favor._

"_Baby…Jackie, are you sure? We don't have to do this…" _

"_Steven! I told you I want you to make love to me now_ do_ it!" Jackie replied hotly, fisting his shirt with her fists and pulling him down to kiss him hungrily. _

_Hyde groaned in pleasure, as her tongue swept inside his mouth and promptly drove him delirious. _

_Hyde wrapped her legs around his waist, and walked to his cot. As he laid her down on his sheets, breaking away from her mouth, her beauty struck him dumb. Here she was, this gorgeous thing, and she wanted to make love with him. _

_God, it didn't get any better. _

_Jackie looked up at him. "What's wrong, baby?"_

"_It's just…you're so beautiful, Jackie…" _

_She smiled. "Wanna show me how much you appreciate it?" _

_Hyde smirked. "Oh, I will…"_

_He kissed her again, deeply, taking her moan into his mouth. He couldn't get enough of her taste – it was a more potent drug than any he had ever encountered, and he was becoming a fucking fiend. Her hands were entangled in his curls, and her fingernails kept tracing patterns onto his scalp, driving him slowly insane. _His _hands though, couldn't keep still – they traced over the legs wrapped around his waist, her face, her sides. The idea of touching her naked body in mere moments was driving him out of his mind. He knew he had to cool it, because his enthusiasm was getting to Kelso-like levels, and that, he would never do to her. He wanted this to last, and more….he wanted her to enjoy it. _

_Remembering something that Donna had told him once, Hyde got up from the bed and started looking through his record collection. Jackie sat up from the bed, confused. _

"_Puddin, what are you doing?" _

"_Well…we – and by we I mean _you, _might be making a lot of noise soon," Hyde said, arrogantly. "So I thought it best to make a preemptive strike…and try to hide it." _

_Jackie giggled as he finally found the record that he wanted, Derek & The Dominoes. As "I am Yours" begins to play, Hyde goes back on top of Jackie, kissing her passionately. His mouth starts the trail down to her neck, and he lays wet kisses all over her chest, left bare in her V-neck sweater. He continues to kiss her torso through the material, delighting in her moaning of his name. _

_Soon, Jackie lay underneath him in her bra and panties, with Hyde in his boxers. He was sweating profusely, and every breath he took intoxicated him with her perfume. He never knew of a time when his dick was so hard that it was aching, and he was desperate to be inside her. He knew she can never want this as much as he did, but again, he had to make sure…_

"_Baby," he panted. "Are…are you sure?" _

"_Steven_, please_._ _Don't stop…." Jackie begged, laying kisses all over his chin and neck. _

"_God, Jackie…" Hyde kissed her again, removing her bra in the process. Once he saw her gorgeous tits, her nipples hard from arousal, he couldn't bare not to give them his attention. That'd just be wrong, man. Jackie gasped as he took her left nipple into his mouth, and with the placement of his knee between her thighs he could feel how wet the action made her. Wanting to be fair, he kneaded her right breast with his hands, then replaced his hands with his mouth. Sucking her right nipple into his mouth, he reached down to the heat between her thighs and cupped her. _

"_Oh, God…" Jackie rolled her head from side to side, eyes closed, and Hyde, having never seen her come, knew that she was close. _

"_Baby," Hyde's left hand went up to her hair, and he fisted her hair back to attack her neck with his mouth, his right hand still in between the vee of her thighs. "Open your eyes, Jackie. I want to see you." _

_As Jackie opened her eyes, Hyde was fucking shocked to see the amount of desire he found there. God, she wanted this. She really, really wants this. _

_Hyde kept his eyes on hers as he slipped a finger inside her, and smirked as he felt her tighten around him. Her breaths were coming in short gasps, and Hyde knew how hard it was for her not close her eyes as the pleasure overcame her. But she was stubborn, his chick, and kept her gorgeous eyes on his as he slid his finger deeper inside, and flicked his thumb against her clit. _

_She moaned his name, and lost this particular battle, as she closed her eyes and trapped his hands inside her thighs. _

"_Steven," Jackie whimpered. _"Please_, baby… I can't wait any more…"_

_Neither could he. _

_Hyde quickly removed her panties, and stepped out of his boxers. As he placed himself in between her thighs, his dick so hard it was literally aching, he stared down at her gorgeous form on his bed. "God, Jackie, you're so beautiful," he whispered. _

_Then he thrust inside. _

_And lost his breath. _

CHRIST.

_She was so fucking tight, and Hyde needed several thrusts to be buried deep inside. And deep inside is where he desperately needed to be. She had somehow, some way, wormed her way deep inside_ him_, and he'd be damned if he was the only one who felt invaded. He was gonna make his mark on her body the same way she was fucking determined to make her mark on his soul, black as it may be._

_Jackie had almost screamed the moment Hyde had thrust inside, and her eyes were wide in shock as he filled her completely. Hyde couldn't believe how good she felt, and he wanted to die just like this, buried as deep inside Jackie as he could be. Her heat was fucking incredible, and it took almost every ounce of self-control he had not to explode the second he was inside her. _

_And he wasn't exactly known for his self-control to begin with. _

_Jackie wrapped her legs around Hyde's waist, and Hyde groaned as she clamped down her pelvic muscles on his dick with the movement. This chick was gonna be the death of him, he just fucking_ knew _it…_

_Hyde bent down to place his forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. "Yo-you okay?" _

_She nodded. "You feel so good, baby…" She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down further for a kiss that Hyde felt down to his soul. "Please don't stop…"_

_Hyde didn't need further encouragement. Entangling his fingers with hers, he began thrusting deep inside of her, slowly, as he was afraid if he went any faster he was gonna frickin lose it. "Please, Puddin…I need you to go faster…harder, baby…"_

"_Fuck, Jackie…" Hyde groaned and complied, thrusting harder and faster, until the tiny bed was shaking with his efforts. _

_Hyde let go of one of her hands as he pulled her hips to him to go deeper. He couldn't possibly go any deeper, couldn't possibly go any harder – but that's exactly what he needed. God, he couldn't fucking explain it, but this chick was doing shit to him that should fucking piss him off if it hadn't felt so good. Jesus, the way her fingers felt entangled with his own, her tongue inside his mouth, her scorching heat –_ Christ_, he's been with chicks before, but it was never like this. God, not like this. No girl had Jackie's heat; no one had her spark and fire. Fuck, he felt like he was burning up, and he really couldn't give a shit if all that was left of him were ashes._

_Holy crap, was he turning into Forman? _

_Jackie rolled her head back, giving him the opportunity to lick the length of her neck – there wasn't a spot on her body that Hyde didn't want to introduce his tongue to. She tasted so good, and she was so soft…_

Shit. _He_ was _turning into Forman. _

_Jackie's cries, a low keening that Hyde swore was literally formulated to drive him out of his fucking mind with lust, got louder, and he felt her coming before she actually did. Hyde could feel her start to shake inside, could feel her clamp tighter around him, something he didn't think possible, but that just showed how much he knew. As Jackie opened her mouth to scream as her orgasm hit, Hyde slipped his tongue inside, and she started sucking and taking it deep into her mouth. He moaned into her mouth, the feeling of her mouth on his tongue and her grip on his dick becoming too much for him, and he came so fucking hard. And fuck if his spurting inside of her didn't spiral another orgasm to shoot through Jackie's body. He felt her walls clamp down on his softening dick, and he groaned in pleasure. _

_Hyde rolled off of her, and he swore he could feel his dick protest at being pulled out of Jackie's warmth. They both lay on his cot, out of breath and sweating, when Jackie rose on her elbow to smile down mischievously at him. _

"_Huh." _

_Hyde looked up at her, confused. _

"_I didn't feel anything…" _

_Hyde shot up, furious_. What did she just say?

"_I mean…the sex was hot but…did you….did you feel anything?" Jackie continued to smile down at him, a look of mischief and pleasure on her face, her eyes telling him to remember…_

_Hyde frowned, confused._

_Then he remembered._

"_No," he said, as he shifted her from on her side to settle her on top of him, pulling her down for a kiss. He pulled away from her, a smirk across his face. "No…" _

"_So," Jackie lay on top of him, crossing her arms across his chest, smiling seductively. "What happens now?" _

"_I'm not opposed to doing it…" _

Hyde sat back on his cot, smiling as he lit a joint, remembering reliving the conversation that had taken place on that date on Veteran's Day. They had both lied that night, and they both knew it, even then. But for whatever reason, they had, and she had gone back to Kelso soon after. Fucking Kelso. Hyde wasn't stupid, he knew that his insecurity regarding that particular idiot was probably what killed his relationship with Jackie, but if she _really_ loved him, she would've known better than to go off to Chicago with that fucking moron. And, towards the end, all she could fucking care about was marriage and kids…

And then Chicago.

Then Sam.

Hyde wasn't fucking stupid, he knew that nothing probably happened in Chicago. But she left him, just like Edna, like Bud. She fucking _swore_, on her life, heart, and soul – that she would never leave, and she did. Took off to Chicago, with an ex-boyfriend who still wanted into her pants. Took off, because he didn't give her the answer she wanted when she wanted it.

Was it any wonder that he burned her now? She had committed the gravest sin in Hyde's eyes – made him fall so incredibly hard for her, made it almost physically impossible to not be near her and ache for her touch – and left when shit wasn't going down her way.

Fucking bitch.

And he hated her now, because regardless of how he let on with everyone else, he still craved her touch. Still longed to be inside her, and fuck if it wasn't just physical. He wished it was. God, he didn't think it was possible to miss a person so much that the activities that normally would've made him happy only a year ago, now feel hollow and empty. They no longer had the same appeal, no longer had the same effect, and it was fucking driving him out of his mind. Food no longer had the same taste, beer had lost its touch, and the pot that he was smoking now with now increasing regularity no longer had the same effect that it once had. Even sex – with his wife that wasn't and the numerous chicks that came after her – no longer felt the same. Even the fricking release wasn't the same – sex, with Sam and everyone else, had become stale and boring, and it no longer carried the promise of satisfaction.

And he blamed it all on Jackie. She ruined pot for him, man!

As he smoked his joint, the cannabis entering his system began to pull him to a place he hated to go, and only went when he was sad and lonely and incredibly fucked up. The place where the memory of Jackie lived and breathed and wouldn't just fucking _die_ already! Where every good memory of their relationship resided, where her smell and taste and voice and laughter and the way she made his name sound like fucking sex lived, breathed, and existed to torment him into oblivion. There wasn't enough booze to drown it, not enough pot to burn it out of his system - not enough _anything_ to kill it. He wanted to be rid of it – only he felt that he would have to cut out his tongue to rid himself of her taste, break his nose a million times to exterminate her scent, cut off his hands to forget the feel of her under his hands…

And there went another reason for his intense hatred towards the bitch. For making the _sense_ memory of her burn so deeply into his mind, heart, and soul that living life without his senses could be seen as a frickin blessing. Hyde cursed her name, cursed the day he ever thought that she could be his _completely._ She never fucking was, and he hated her with a passion for letting him believe that he did.

That fucking whore deserved every bad thing coming her way…


	3. Thrown Away

A/N: Your reviews are awesome, thank you! This is probably a filler chapter, but we got where Hyde was last chapter, so now…it's Jackie's turn… and yes, more nekkid Jackie & Hyde goodness (I like writing sex scenes, I'm such a perv…lol)

Again, I don't own nada…

Chapter 3: Thrown Away

Jackie thought that leaving Point Place would be the end of her problems. That once she flew across state lines, that life was gonna be perfect, and nothing bad was going to happen to her.

She couldn't have been more wrong if she tried.

First off, for reasons that have yet to be _fully_ explained to her, her luggage had been separated at the airport, and of the six suitcases that she brought with her – only two of them made it to New York.

And those were filled with outfits that were definitely not suitable for January in the Big Apple.

_Awesome_.

Secondly, when she went to NYU to register for classes, she found that all student housing apartments had been occupied.

So she was essentially homeless.

_Oh yeah. _

Third – and this is the one that _really_ got to her – not one person commented how pretty she was.

Now _that_ was just _WRONG!_

But Jackie refused to be deterred. She came here to _be_ somebody, and she wasn't going to let circumstances that were beyond her control get her down. So her luggage was lost? She'd get it back, if she had to call that airport every day. So what if all student housing apartments were occupied? Since the days of being extravagant were long over, Jackie had learned to be frugal and had saved every dime she could. She had plenty of money saved up, so she would be able to afford a decent apartment. And she had no qualms about getting a part-time job while she was in school – while she was here to learn, yes, she was also here to start a new life.

And that new life needed a steady income.

Jackie Burkhart was gonna be _fine_.

But that whole deal of no one complimenting on her beauty? Now that just didn't make any sense…!

* * *

><p>Jackie walked into her motel room, dropping her things onto the bed.<p>

She was exhausted.

It had been a couple of days since she had arrived in New York, and while she was finally able to get the rest of her luggage – thank the good _Jesus!_ – she was exhausted from looking all over the city to find an apartment.

But at least that whole malarkey of no one commenting on her beauty was over. She had gotten catcalls from at least three construction crews, and while those aren't usually her target audience, it still felt good to know she still had that kind of effect on the male of the species.

Just because Steven Hyde didn't appreciate what had once slept with him in his bed doesn't mean that other men weren't going to. It was obvious that Hyde (along with Eric Forman), was a complete anomaly, and therefore it was a useless point to try to figure him out. He had made his bed, lain in it with a stripper, and out of what? Spite?

Jackie felt the tears well up before she could stop them.

Fucking asshole.

The thought of them – of what they once were – had plagued her thoughts since the moment that that bitch had walked in and ruined everything. Even after months of almost obscene cruelty, she could not believe that the one person that she loved above all else, couldn't acknowledge their relationship. Treated her as if she never mattered, as if _they_ never mattered. She had given him so much of herself that now, alone in a new city, all that was left of her was the determination that she become something new, something better.

Jackie was aching with emptiness.

But she was determined to no longer let Steven James Hyde torture her any longer, even hundreds of miles away. She was going to become a new Jackie, a _better_ Jackie – and he will never know. Jackie had no intention to ever going back to Point Place – no one was going to miss her there, she knew. Well, other than the obvious choices of Fez and the Formans. Donna at this rate wouldn't give a shit if she lived or died, and frankly, Jackie suspected that she would rather the latter than the former. Jackie could almost hear her now, at her wake…

"_Christ. It's just like Jackie to die now. Doesn't she know that I have too much going on right now to be there for her? Jesus! It's always gotta be about _HER_ right?"_

She winced. Even now, the betrayal of her _supposed_ best friend, was raw and sore. She could never imagine it. Jackie, bitchy and shallow as she was, was never a bad friend to Donna. In some aspects, Jackie looked up to Donna, though her horrible fashion sense she could do without. But she adored the tall redhead, and when it became obvious that Donna no longer felt the same way about Jackie – that she no longer _cared_ about Jackie – she knew it was time to leave Wisconsin. There was nothing there to hold her, no one there to tell her it was all going to be alright. All that was left was memories, the bad far outweighing the good, and a need for Jackie to _breathe_ again. She hadn't been able to breathe correctly since she had left for Chicago.

And then it all fell apart.

In all honesty – she knew she was partly to blame for what had happened in Chicago. But he had never let her explain. She knew how insecure Ste – no, _Hyde_ – was about Michael, but she never understood it. She never fully _got_ it, because she had loved him with _all_ of herself. She could never believe that Steven – no, damn it, _HYDE! - _ could ever wonder about the nature of her love for him. She had loved him with everything she was, everything she ever could be. She would've sold her soul to the devil himself just to remain by his side always. She couldn't believe that he would ever be insecure about her, because she told him she loved him every day. She couldn't count how many times she would wake up before him and just stare at what she beheld as perfection. She would trace over his features, her fingers kissing every nook and cranny, and she thanked the God that he didn't believe in for the millionth time for having sent him to her. To Jackie, it was the image of the purest perfection – just her and her man, waking up together – that's what she wanted for the rest of her life. Hyde, at her side, forever.

But he didn't want her. Didn't need her. Didn't _love_ her.

In the months since the Chicago incident, Jackie had ample time to think about where they went wrong. And she wasn't stupid, she could take the blame for her part in it. Granted, having Michael take her to Chicago wasn't the smartest idea, but she was so blinded by losing Hyde that she couldn't think straight. She believed that they were truly over, and couldn't take the fact that this man – the man who she had given her body, heart, and soul to – didn't even see a future with her. She didn't understand how her precious Puddin' Pop, could believe that she would've slept with Michael. How could he believe that she wanted Michael? Michael, who had cheated on her countless times, betrayed her trust on an almost constant basis? How could Stev- no, damn it, its _HYDE! – _not believe all those ways that she tried to prove her love to him? Was it the way that she told him constantly? The way that she would look at him – the love naked on her face – when he would walk into a room? She believed he was perfect. _Perfect._

And yet…regardless of every word of love she uttered, every way that she had _proven_ her love….he believed her a whore.

And had gone to marry one instead.

Jackie gulped loudly. Even now, in January of 1980, months after Sam leaving – the fact that Hyde could go off and marry the closest thing to human trash instead of picturing a future with her…it scraped at Jackie's insides with dirty and filthy claws. His reaction to Sam's departure was raw salt on a still bleeding wound, and the fact that everyone told her how sad he was after she left somehow made the pain worse, if that was even possible. He could mourn a woman that never wanted him, that had lied to him every day, and still despise the woman that had given up a life just to be close to him.

The fact that Hyde could so easily throw her aside, after all that she had shared with him, after all they had shared _together_ beat at Jackie's very soul. When she was in the depth of her despair, she asked God a million and one times how she could be given Steven just to have him walk away from her. She never understood as to how all the people she loved could so carelessly walk away from her, as if she never mattered. Her parents, Michael, Hyde, Donna – they had all abandoned the 95 pound girl, and she was left out there in the world to fend for herself.

But, _God_, there was a time…a time that seemed so long ago…when _he_ cared. When her Puddin Pop, by just breathing, could light her world on fire. Could make her feel as if everything was going to be okay – because _he_ was always going to be there.

_Puddin Pop…_

God, she can't break down now. Can't break what's already broken, and they had done that already. Broken her. As she wiped tears, her thoughts on what used to be beat at her with ferocity….

_**Flashback**_

_It always amazed her how looking at him could bring such turbulent joy to her soul. Joy because he was her man, _the_ man that caused such incredible butterflies to go stir crazy inside her. And turbulent, because here was a man that knew her, really _knew _her and all of her games and manipulations…_

…_and stayed anyway. _

_She had never felt so much fear and happiness all at once. _

_She knew she had hurt him, with the whole Annette incident. Knew that that thread of trust, that was just beginning to really fortify itself, was in danger of breaking off completely. And her acceptance of Kelso's stolen sweater didn't exactly help matters. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her. How much is his trust meant to her. And words were no longer a viable option at this time. Only _action_ would do…._

_So as her sexy Puddin Pop was at the Fotohut, she had set up her plan. She had placed candles all around his room, and donned something that he never thought he'd see – his T-shirt with high black stiletto boots. She made Donna swear to not let any of the guys in the basement tonight, and the Formans were at some old people shindig that would not bring them home to tomorrow morning. _

_Her and her man were going to have the house all to themselves…._

_As Led Zeppelin II plays on in the background – not exactly her choice of music, but it was her baby's favorite band, and tonight was all about him – she walked around Steven's small room, making sure everything was perfect. She couldn't wait to see him and his reaction to her surprise. God, Michael never made her feel this way. This excited over something that wasn't meant for her. For reasons no one could explain, Steven brought out the best in Jackie, and being with him brought out parts of Jackie that she never she had. She loved him like no one had ever loved her, and even though he had never said it, she could feel his love through every one of his touches. _

_And, _God_, the way he felt…_

_It was then that Jackie heard the back door to the basement slam shut. _

"_Hello?" _

"_Back here, Puddin Pop."_

_Jackie took a deep breath as Hyde walked into the room, taking off his sunglasses. _It's showtime, _ she thought, as she hid in the shadows._

"_Hey…wha-what's all this stuff? Where are you?" Jackie giggled at the look of pure confusion on Hyde's face._

"_Well, Steven," Jackie began, stepping out from the shadow to the candlelight of the small room, "I wanted to do something special for you, baby…." She walked over to him, and ran her hands across the tender flesh of the back of his neck. _

_He closed his eyes in pleasure. "For me? Why?" _

"_Cuz you're my Puddin Pop. Do I need a reason to love you?"_

_Hyde sighed. "No, baby. You don't…" He pulled her towards him for a kiss. When she pulled away, he finally noticed what she was wearing. "Hey. Is that…is that my shirt?" _

_Jackie giggled. "Uh huh."_

"_I thought…I thought you said you were never gonna wear it." _

"_Silly baby," she whispered, as she cupped his face and drew his face down to hers. "I wear it when I wanna feel you…" _

"_You," he closed his eyes as Jackie began to scratch at his sideburns. "You wanna feel me?" _

"_Yeah," she sighed as his lips drew near her mouth. "At night…I miss you, Steven. And sometimes, I get lonely in my house and can't sleep. And I don't want to constantly come running to you when I'm feeling alone. So…" Jackie looked down, now somewhat ashamed at her confession. "I put on your shirt, and it makes me feel better. It feels like you and smells like you…so I don't feel lonely anymore. And I can sleep." _

"_Baby," Hyde lifted up her chin and blue eyes met mismatched green and blue. "You feel lonely, or you can't sleep – _whatever_, you call me, alright? I'll come get you. You won't be alone." _

_Jackie shivered. He was so good to her. Even now, when tonight was supposed to be all about him, he was concerned for _her_, and no one ever made her feel what he had made her feel from the moment he taught her zen. _

_Safe. _

"_Shhhh, Puddin. Tonight's about you, Steven. I wanna make you feel good…I wanna make you feel as good as you make me feel…" Jackie grabbed his hand and led him to his cot. "Lay down on your tummy, baby…"_

_Hyde looked at her questionably, but did as he was told. She couldn't tell him – just couldn't find the words – to let him know how much he meant to her. So she was going to show him – words didn't mean anything to Steven…but actions. Actions did. And while he never said the words…she knew. _

_She meant a lot to him too. _

_Hyde lay on his stomach, as Led Zeppelin wailed on in the background. Jackie straddled his hips, and ran her fingers down his spine underneath his t-shirt. He moaned softly. "God, Jackie…"_

_Jackie leaned down and whispered softly in his ear, making him shiver. "Did you…did you miss me today, Steven?" _

"_Ye-yeah..."_

_Jackie giggled. She knew how hard it was for him to talk about his emotions, and this small admission of missing her was the equivalent to a declaration of love shouted from the rooftops from other boys. But he wasn't _like_ other boys. And she was glad. _

"_I missed you too baby…" _

_She lifted up his shirt, running her hands all over his back as she helped him shed himself of the material. As she ran her hands over his smooth skin, she marveled at what a man he was. This wasn't a boy's skin that she was touching, but a _man's.

_And it thrilled her to no end. _

_Jackie started to massage his shoulders, smoothing her hands over all the kinks she found in his muscles. He groaned in thanks, and she smiled to herself. She was beyond proud that she could make this man make those kinds of sounds. That he made them because of something _she _did. _

_Christ, he made her so happy. _

"_Feel good, baby?" she whispered in his ear._

"_God, Jackie, yes…please don't stop," Hyde whispered. _

"_You sure? I thought this would feel better…" And so saying, she traced over his spine with her tongue. _

"_Fuck!"_

_She laughed quietly. She loved this. Loved doing things that made him feel good. She, who everyone thought was so shallow and superficial, was enchanted at doing something for someone else. Especially for this man – for _her_ man. _

_She switched from licking his spine to laying fat wet kisses all over his back. As she was doing so, she let her hands massage his sides, paying particular attention to the skin around his hips, which she knew were one of his spots. As she made her way to his neck, her hands rubbing tiny circles on his sides, she moaned his name onto his skin. _

"_You taste so good, baby," she whimpered. God, did he ever…_

_Jackie reached Hyde's neck, licking and laying kisses all over his shoulders. Her arms held her up his head, and used one of her hands to fist them through his curls. As his head leaned back with the motion, she started to lick the sides of his neck, alternating between licks and nibbles all over his neck and shoulders. _

_To Jackie's delighted surprise, Hyde flipped over. He thread his fingers through her hair as he pulled her down for a passionate kiss. "God, Jackie…" he groaned into her mouth, grinding his hips against hers. _

_Jackie pulled away, to Hyde's obvious dismay, and smiled down at him. "I'm not done with you, Puddin…" _

"_Jackie, please…"Hyde begged, fisting his hands in her hair as she started to lay kisses all over his naked chest. _

"_No, Puddin. Tonight's about you, Steven. I'm not done with you yet," Jackie wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss. _

"_Christ..." he groaned._

_Jackie laughed softly, loving every one of his mumbled curses as she continued to kiss and nibble her way down his chest. She licked lovingly at each one of his nipples, tugging softly at them with her teeth as they hardened. _

"_Jesus, baby…" _

_She smiled again into his skin, as her hands started to unbuckle the belt at his waist. As the belt gave way, she felt his erection push against the denim restraining it. She started to rub his dick against the fabric of his jeans, and felt his hands fist into her hair. Jackie looked up at her boyfriend, fully loving the look of complete sexual agony that had overtaken his features. She started to trace patterns on the skin above his jeans. As she did so, she began to undo his fly, looking up at him between her heavy eyelashes. _

_He had closed his eyes, his mouth tight in anticipation. The strain of letting her go at her own pace was evident on his face, and knowing how control was so important to him, and yet he chose to give it to her so freely – it made her fall in love with him all over again. _

_As she undid the last button on his fly, his erection burst out of his jeans, finally free. He hadn't worn any underwear today, she noticed, and it made her even more wet from wanting him. But tonight was about him, and as she gripped him in her tiny hands, she was determined to make him not ever regret being with her. _

"_Steven," she called. "Open your eyes, baby…"_

_Hyde opened his eyes to see Jackie look up at him with so much emotion in her eyes that she took his breath away. And then gasped audibly when she took him all the way into her mouth. _

"_FUCK…" He couldn't even get the words out. She chuckled softly at his outburst. God, he felt good… _tasted _even better…._

_She continued to suck on his dick, licking it up and down as if it were an ice cream cone. The sounds coming out of his mouth couldn't have turned her on more, and she wondered if this is how he felt when he when down on her. The power that she had over him was getting her wetter by the second, and she wondered if she herself could even hold out much longer. God, the way his hands felt in her hair, the grunts coming out of his mouth, even the music playing in the background – it was all getting to be too much, and she began to lose herself in a spell of her own making…_

_At that moment, Hyde pulled Jackie off of him, as she yelped in protest. "Steven! I wasn't done!" _

"_Sorry, baby…but, _Goddamn, _Jackie…I can't wait any longer…" Hyde pulled her up to him, cupping her face in his hands, getting the words out in between passionate kisses. _

"_But I wasn't finished yet. I wanted tonight to be about _you_ baby…" Jackie protested, wrapping her arms around his neck._

"God, _Jackie," Hyde wrapped her legs around his waist. "It's about me every time we're together. I swear, I'm feeling as good as you are…" _

"_But baby…"Jackie cut in, still wanting him to _feel_ her love, since words, and apparently her actions, weren't quite doing it. _

"_No, Jackie. Look at me," Hyde forced her eyes to his. "It means as much to me as it does to you. I promise." _

_Jackie looked deep into her boyfriend's eyes and felt a peculiar shift around her heart. It was similar to the way she felt when she went on a roller coaster, as the ride went down that first drop, her heart rose in her throat. This boy, no, _man_, had a half-naked girl in his bed, who was willing to do anything he wanted. _

_And he worried. About _her.

"_Oh Steven," she whimpered, kissing him with a passion and intensity that she had never quite felt before. _

"_Jackie…" Hyde grasped her hips as she began to grind softly against him. He grabbed her head, taking her mouth and her moan that followed. He lifted up the shirt, to see that she had nothing on underneath, except for her black boots. He smiled into her neck, and she could feel the soft chuckle that came with it. _

"_Naked except for a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and boots? That's so badass..." he murmured into her throat, as he feasted on her flesh. Jackie moaned in agreement, and opened her eyes in surprise as Hyde shifted, and said, "Jackie, get up." _

"_Wh – what?" _

"_Shhhh…" Hyde shushed her, and as Jackie stood in front of him, naked except for her boots, he smiled in pleasure. _

"_You're like the best present I've ever gotten." _

_Jackie smiled in absolute wonder. And couldn't believe, _wouldn't _believe, that this man who was so enraptured by her body could do anything but love her. She felt it. It was in the way his hands caressed her flesh. The way his tongue laved around her belly button. The way his teeth gently nipped her thighs. _

_She was…._finally_ loved. _

_Jackie was so overcome with emotion that she felt tears forming in the back of her eyes. And she wouldn't let him see them, didn't want him to think that he was doing anything but pleasuring her soul with his touch. So she swallowed them as best she could, and let his touch take her to a place where words were unnecessary. _

_And touch was the only language that remained. _

_When she finally lowered herself onto his length, she closed her eyes and groaned in contentment. As she began to move over him, she opened her eyes to see Hyde's intense blue eyes staring at her face. _

"_What's –" she had barely gotten the word out before he grabbed her and pulled her in for an intense kiss, thrusting his hips upward to go deeper inside of her._

"_You're" Hyde hissed in between his teeth. "You're mine, alright? No one else's….You're mine…" And as she continued to grind against his hips, hearing him whisper "mine" all across her flesh, she started to quiver inside. But before she completely let go – before his thrusting hips drove her into delirium – she had to know. _

"_Steven," she gasped, trying so hard to hold on against the pleasure of his mouth, his hands, and his body, "are you…are you…"_

"_I'm yours, Jackie," he whispered, looking so deep inside her that she swore she felt his gaze on her heart. "I'm yours…" _

_And she let go._

Thinking back on those memories, Jackie forced down a sob. She was his, he said. Then why did he let go so easily? Why did he not fight for them? What was it about her that made the people she loved so deeply want to hurt her so badly?

She didn't know the answer to any of these questions, and she doubted she ever would. All that was left now was memories of times long gone, and probably best left buried. The Steven that whispered _mine_ across her skin died a long time ago. In his place was a heartless bastard who thrilled in making her miserable.

She was done with the misery.

She had come here to start over, and start over she would.

Determined that today was the day she found her apartment, she grabbed her things, and walked out the door…


	4. Mission Accomplished

**A/N: Have I mentioned to you how much I LOVE your reviews? Seriously, and I am like addicted to everyone putting this story on their alert list…You guys sure know how to make a girl feel special…! And I'm so sorry for taking so long with this update, I had a bit of writer's block and wanted to make sure that everything was in character and flowed well (There's a lot of dialogue with this one, and hopefully I did the characters justice. If I haven't, please let me know. NICELY, people! Lol) **

**So, just a heads up – I didn't watch Season 8. Well…not true. I watched the first episode of the season, and when Sam walked in…I walked out. The reason I know about Hyde and Donna's shitty behavior, is because I read a lot of fanfics. (Sidebar: Who **_**else**_** gets super pissed when **_**REALLY**_** good J/H stories are left incomplete? OMG – I can't **_**stand**_** it! No matter what happens, I promise that this story will **_**not**_** become one of them.) Oh – which J/H stories I recommend, you ask? "November Rain" & "Highway through Hell" by Luvcali76 (Okay – here is where I become a fangirl. This girl, regardless of the fact that she no longer posts here, is a **_**FRICKIN GENIUS. **_** NR is like, the Mount Everest of **_**T7S**_** fanfiction. I'm not even kidding. It is like the **_**masterpiece**_** that all of us J/H fanfic authors should **_**want**_** to emulate. It is **_**just that good.**_** It is an opus of the most majestic kind. If this story moves you even an **_**iota**_** of the way that story moved me, then I have done my job.) ; "Do You Think It's Alright?" by Gah-Luvcali; "For Her Sake" by Heatherlea; & "Hyde's Long Way Home" by MistyMoutainHop. There are others, but those are the ones that I **_**constantly**_** go back to. (If you've read them, you'd know that all of them contain delicious J/H sex scenes. I'm a pervert. Yes. AND WHAT? Lmao)**

**So…regarding this chapter. I will now apologize to Donna fans…but I didn't like what happened to Jackie in Season 8 (even though I didn't **_**watch**_** Season 8, but I got the gist of what went down…I put a hex on you Season 8 writers!), and I kinda sorta blame Donna a little bit. So some of my story will be getting my revenge on that redhead. Sorry, but **_**this**_** author believes in karma, and let's face it – forgiveness, at least **_**real**_** forgiveness, in real life, isn't something that comes easily or with just a few kind words. It takes work. And the person needs to want to be forgiven. Just a thought. =) **

**Again, I don't own crap…don't you think I'd have had more semi-naked Danny scenes if I did? I'm just sayin…**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: Mission Accomplished<p>

It had been a little over a month since Hyde and Jackie's confrontation in the Forman driveway, and all was right in Hyde's world. He was the owner of a kickass record store, he had just hired his best friend to help him at said store, his dealer had hooked him up with a _superior_ stash this week, _and _he had a shower stocked with beer.

And the fact that no one had seen neither hide nor hair of one Jackie Burkhart brought a bright smile to Hyde's dark and blackened soul.

Good frickin riddance.

As Hyde looked over the inventory lists that Randy had completed before he left town, he smiled at the fact that no one had heard from the bitchy ex-cheerleader in almost a month. _A month!_ It made him almost giddy, at the idea that maybe, just _maybe,_ she had finally gotten the fucking clue that no one wanted her around, and was gone.

Vanished, without a trace. The way he wanted it.

A complete and utter bullshit lie, of course, but Hyde was nothing if not an expert at lying to himself. He just completely ignored the part of him that was constantly on alert for her presence. The part that tensed up every time the basement door opened, hoping that it would be her form walking through the doorway. How his ear would be attuned to every conversation, in the slim hope that he would hear Jackie's name and her whereabouts. He would never admit it to others, could barely admit it to himself…but he was starting to get worried. And – _fuck it all! - _he missed her.

It didn't matter that they were no longer together. It didn't matter that he was cruel and beyond mean to her in her presence.

He just fucking missed seeing her face.

"Hey there, my curly-haired friend."

Hyde looked up to see Fez walk into the store, grateful for the distraction. "What's up, Fez?"

"Kelso has invited me to come to Chicago this weekend. I thought it'd be a nice surprise if Eric, Donna, and you came down too. He says there's a new candy shop that's opening!" Fez looked about ready to almost come from happiness.

Hyde paused. It's not like he didn't want to see Kelso…but he'd be lying if he said that he still didn't harbor residual bitterness from the whole Chicago fiasco. And for constantly hitting on Jackie when they first got together. And for being her first, and hurting her…

_Fuck_.

He needed to stop doing this shit. Jackie Burkhart was nothing but a fucking whore, and almost did the unforgiveable of coming between him and one of his best friends. Shit. She fucking passed herself around to three out of the four guys already. Fucking slut.

"Uhhh, yeah, sure, man. I could get Leo to watch the store on Saturday. I'm closed Sunday, so it shouldn't be too bad," Hyde replied.

Fez smiled giddily. "It's going to be most excellent. I heard Chicago is filled with candy and whores!"

Hyde chuckled. "I'm sure it'll be paradise for you."

At that moment, Donna walked into Grooves with a smile on her face. "Guess what!"

"What's up, Pinciotti?"

"I just got a raise!" Donna could barely contain her excitement.

"Great. Beer's on you this weekend," Hyde said, smirking.

"Oh my God, I'm so exci – wait, did you just say this weekend? What about this weekend?" Donna asked.

"Oh yeah, I didn't get a chance to tell you. Kelso invited me up for the weekend and I thought it'd be a good surprise if you, Eric, and Hyde came," Fez explained.

"Oh, that's a great idea! But wait, what about Jackie? Isn't she gonna come too?" Donna inquired.

Hyde frowned at Donna's question. It wasn't until that very moment that he realized that Fez hadn't mentioned Jackie going on this trip. And he wondered why. And looking at Fez' nervous face, his curiosity over leaving out his roommate for this trip, doubled.

But he wasn't gonna admit it. Least of all out loud.

"Ahhh, Jackie will not be able to come this weekend," Fez stammered.

"Well, why not?" Donna continued. "I mean, doesn't she wanna see Kelso? And isn't Betsy her goddaughter? Why wouldn't she want to see her, at least? _God_, she's so selfish!"

"Please, Donna. Betsy's just a baby. Who wants a slut for a godmother?" Hyde contributed, never letting on that he was wondering about Jackie's whereabouts himself.

"Uhhhh…ummmm…." Fez was seemingly at a loss for words. Although, in reality, he shouldn't be. He had gotten used to both Hyde and Donna's behavior towards Jackie these past couple of months. Their harsh treatment of her only served as fuel for her running away. And while he loved them both, there just seemed no end to their bullshit.

But he had made a promise to Jackie not to say anything. And it would be a promise that he would keep.

Unless they bribed him with candy, of course.

"Oh my God! I've got great news!" Eric shouted, rushing into the store.

"What is it, Forman?" Hyde was getting a little annoyed, having gotten the feeling that there was something that Fez wasn't saying. And there were few things that Hyde hated more than being kept in the dark.

"They're gonna be showing a new preview of the new _Star Wars_!" Eric couldn't contain his excitement.

"Eric, didn't you see that preview already?" Donna asked.

"It's _Star Wars_, Donna. There's no such thing as watching it too many times! And this one is _new!_ I was thinking we can go see it this weekend." Eric pleaded.

"We can't go this weekend, Eric." Donna told him.

"Wha – what? Why?"

"Cuz we're gonna surprise Kelso in Chicago this weekend, Forman. And your girlfriend's buying the beer," Hyde said, smirking.

"Donna, we're going to see Kelso? And why are you buying the beer?" Eric asked, obviously confused as fuck.

"Cuz Donna got herself a raise! And we're going to go to Chicago to see Kelso and I'm gonna get more candy and do it with a bunch of Chicago whores!" Fez exclaimed, happy that the spotlight was away from Jackie's absence. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go. There's a pair of pants at the mall that really _does_ make my ass look like an oil painting, and I'll be damned if Fenton gets them this time!" Now angry at the mention of those long ago pants that really _did_ make his ass look like an oil painting, he walked out.

"Oh my God, Donna, tha-that's great! A raise, sweet! Hey, now that you're going to be making more money than me, does that mean that you'll be my _sugar mama?" _Eric joked, walking up to Donna, and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Sure, baby," Donna chuckled, then gave her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. "But what the hell is up with Jackie? Where the hell _is_ she?"

"Please, Donna!" Eric mock whispered. "Don't you know that if you say the devil's name, she will appear? We've had almost a month of her gone. A _month!_ What is _wrong_ with you, woman!"

"Whatever, Eric. I just think that it's really fucked up that Jackie can't even visit her own goddaughter. She made such a frickin big _deal_ when Kelso chose her as Betsy's godmother – what a fucking hypocrite! I mean, so what she's been having a rough time? Just get over it already!" Donna exclaimed.

At her exclamation, Hyde looked up. And his beginning worry over Jackie vanished…or so he told himself. She didn't deserve his worry, after all the shit that she had put him through. Coming between him and his best friend, fucking passing herself off as if her shit didn't fucking stink – fuck her. So the fuck what she was gone? She didn't deserve him worrying. She _didn't._

"Forman's right, Donna. Fuck Jackie."

* * *

><p>And this was his mantra as the week went by. <em>Fuck Jackie.<em>

As he packed his bag for the trip to Chicago. As he took out money from the bank. As he ate, as he hung out with his friends, as he drank his beer. The mantra was the same.

_Fuck Jackie._

He displaced any worry for her. She didn't fucking deserve it, and he refused to waste any more time thinking about a chick that didn't give a shit about him in the first place. And what was this shit about not coming to Chicago? Betsy was _their_ goddaughter, man!

So again, he repeated the mantra. _Fuck Jackie._

As Hyde stepped out of the Vista Cruiser outside of Kelso's apartment building, he kept that mantra in his mind. As Fez, Donna, and Forman talked about how excited Kelso was going to be to see them, Hyde kept up the mantra in his head, trying to remember all the reasons he despised Jackie in the first place. And as Kelso opened up his apartment door, just the sight of him made Hyde realize one of the most important reasons why he couldn't stand that fucking slut.

She had almost broken up Hyde and his best friend.

And Hyde thanked the God he didn't believe in that she didn't succeed.

But he couldn't help but notice that Kelso and Brooke's greeting to both him and Donna…had a bit of bite to it. As if Hyde and Donna had done something wrong, and they didn't have the decency to apologize for it.

Almost as if….Kelso and Brooke were pissed off at them or something.

Which made nofucking _sense._

And Hyde knew that it wasn't going to be as fun of a weekend as Fez had thought it would be.

As the evening wore on, the tension in the large apartment increased, though Donna and Forman were apparently oblivious to it. And Hyde just started to get more and more pissed. Brooke, Kelso, and Fez were huddled together in the kitchen, sneaking glances at Hyde and Donna, who were seated with Forman in the living room. He knew they were talking about him, and whatever fucked up shit they _think_ he did, but it was getting fucking annoying, man. And frankly, he didn't come to Chicago for this crap.

And after stewing in his own pissed off juices – and having had a couple of beers to loosen his tongue – Hyde couldn't take the sneaky glances, and spoke up.

"What's with all the secrecy, Kelso?"

At Hyde's question, Donna and Eric looked up from their conversation. They weren't stupid, they could feel the tension in the air around them, but they chose to ignore it. Now, with Hyde's question, they were forced to face it.

And facing issues is not what this particular couple did well.

"Nothing, man. I just wondered if anyone had seen or spoken to Jackie lately," Kelso stated. Brooke looked at the father of her child, impressed by his bluntness, and a bit turned on by the undercurrent of animosity that had lied underneath the question. Since his arrival in Chicago, Michael had matured quite a bit, and it was this maturity that had convinced Brooke to take a chance on him again. He had told her what had happened in Chicago with Jackie, and while she didn't exactly condone Michael's behavior, she just straight out didn't comprehend Hyde's. She had seen the way Jackie looked at Hyde once upon a time,_ seen_ the look in her eyes.

It was love.

And, regardless of the fact that Brooke was new to the group dynamic, she knew this like she knew her own name – Jackie didn't_ just_ love Hyde. Jackie loved Hyde with a passion that _hurt_. And because Brooke understood what it was like to love someone so much that it physically ached when apart, she had reached out to Jackie after New Year's.

She knew where Jackie was.

And she, along with Michael and Fez, knew the reasons why she left Point Place.

And two of those reasons were staying at her apartment.

"No, man. And I really couldn't give a shit," Hyde stated, confused as to why Kelso would ask about Jackie. Did he want to get back together with her? He was living with Betsy's mother, for Christ's sake!

"Shut up Hyde," Donna demanded. "_He _may not give a shit, but _I_ do. She hasn't come by the basement in, like, a month! Do you know what's going on with her?"

Brooke stared at Donna, astounded. _Did she actually just __**say**__ that? Like she fucking didn't know?_

"You know what's amazing? The devil isn't even around, and she's still the center of attention! How does she even _do_ that?" Eric tried to lighten the heavy mood with some humor, and as usual…the humor fell flat.

"What the fuck do you care about Jackie, anyway, Kelso? What, you want her back or somethin'? You sure _Brooke_ would be okay with that?" Hyde was beginning to get really pissed. Who the hell does Kelso think he was, talking and looking at him like that, as if he was a piece of shit?

"I _care,_ _Hyde_, because _Jackie_ is one of my best friends. She's the godmother to my daughter. So, if she's unhappy or if something's going on with her, I wanna know why." Kelso spoke with a confidence that surprised Hyde. And it wasn't even what he said, but the _way_ he said it. As if he had right to assure Jackie's welfare, and Hyde no longer measured up to the task of protecting her.

What Hyde didn't know was that Kelso _had_ taken up that role as Jackie's protector. And the way it happened was completely by accident…

************************************************_Flashback*****************************************************************_

_November 1979_

_Kelso had come down for a spur of the moment trip to show off Betsy. He couldn't believe it, man – how cool being a dad was. And the way his little girl looked at him – it was a better high than any frickin circle. She looked at him as if he had the answers to the universe, and to be on the receiving end of those eyes…Dude, he was a fucking goner. _

_So he was proud to show off his little girl – she was gonna grow up __**hot**__, just like her mom. And when __**that**__ happened, he was just gonna send her off to convent school or something. There was no fucking way that his little girl was gonna be corrupted by a fucking delinquent. Just no fucking way. _

_It was his intention to apologize to his little girl – he was sure that the older her would be pissed at him shipping her off to a convent the moment she grew boobs (_Why can't they just stay babies forever, _was Kelso's thought) and he thought he should garner some goodwill for the moment when she inevitable blew up at him. He's always been a believer in racking up the goodwill points. _

_Even if it was to a baby. _

_As he left the basement to check up on a napping Betsy in Laurie's room, he briefly wondered where Jackie was. She had left the basement a couple of minutes prior, _probably_ due to the massive burns Hyde was dishing out, and, Kelso thought guiltily, Kelso was enjoying. As he neared Laurie's room, he heard a voice. As he crept up to the Laurie's doorway, he saw what he never thought he would see._

_Jackie, holding onto his baby girl, and crying into the baby's shoulder. _

"_Ugh! Betsy, why can't I just get _over_ him, already? He's hurt me so much…it's like he broke me, Betsy. You don't know how good you have it, Betsy Kelso. All you do is sleep and cry, and everyone bends over backwards to give you what you need." _

_Kelso watched as Jackie sat down on Laurie's bed, and looked down at Betsy. And it was _that_ look, that convinced Kelso he had made the right decision on making Jackie Betsy's godmother. Jackie looked down at Betsy the same way Brooke once told him _he_ looked at her. _

_Like she was bewitched. Completely under Betsy's spell. _

"_You're so beautiful, Betsy," Jackie murmured. "I really hope that you get your Dad's good looks, but your mother's brains." Kelso softly chuckled outside the room. "That way, you'd be smarter than me. And know not to fall in love with someone who constantly breaks your heart, like I did." _

_Betsy cooed, and grabbed onto her godmother's cheeks. _

"_Oh, baby, are you trying to make Aunt Jackie feel better? Oh, look what a sweet baby girl you are…"Jackie cooed, bouncing Betsy on her lap. Kelso could never know how being in the presence of her goddaughter made Jackie feel…anchored. Made her feel as if there was something more to life than just the pain and anguish of the past couple of months – the pain that Jackie felt she attracted like honey to bees. Being able to hold Betsy gave Jackie a peace that she had not been able to experience since…_

…_since waking up in Steven's arms. _

_And __**that**__ was never going to happen again. _

_Kelso watched as Jackie continued to whisper to his baby, and_ finally_ looked at his ex. _

_**Really**__ looked. _

_And he saw it. The pain. The misery. _

_The loneliness. _

_As he quietly – for once – walked back downstairs to the basement, Kelso made a silent promise to Jackie. He was going to be a better friend to her. He owed her, man. Jackie was special, and she deserved to be happy. And since it could be argued that this mess was semi his fault anyway, Kelso felt as if he had to right a wrong. Jackie didn't deserve to be tossed to the side like some whore. _

_Like he alluded to when he declared that he and Hyde had "ruined" her. _

_So as he walked down those stairs, he made a promise. To Jackie and to his little girl, who had looked at her godmother as if she was the goddess that Fez claimed she was. He was gonna make sure that Jackie was happy. She deserved it, man. _

_And what Kelso and Jackie never knew, was that Red Forman was watching the entire time. He saw Kelso watching Jackie and the baby. He saw the realization on the kettlehead's face. _

"_About time, dumbass…"_

It was the memory of Jackie crying, searching for the comfort in an infant's arms, that had made him realize that Hyde wasn't as great of a guy as Kelso once thought he was. He was still one of his close friends, yes – but… The way Hyde had treated Jackie since his arrival from Vegas was ridiculous. And it shamed him, more than he would care to admit, that he never stood up for his ex. He laughed along with the burns, watched casually as he could see that the burns sometimes weren't really funny.

They were just cruel.

Even then, after Kelso had returned to Chicago and told Brooke of the scene in Laurie's bedroom, it took him a minute to _fully_ comprehend the extent of the damage that Hyde had done to Jackie. It wasn't until Brooke had asked him, point blank, if he would like to see Betsy go through the anguish that Jackie was now going through. The idea of some fucking asshole treating his little girl with the same contempt and disrespect that Hyde showed Jackie, had made Kelso so furious that it took Brooke a full hour to calm him down.

And Donna. Don't even get Kelso _started _on Donna…

So, it was now, as Kelso looked at both Hyde and Donna, that he made a decision.

"No, Hyde's right, Donna," Kelso stated, calmly. "He never gave a shit about Jackie, so why bother worrying about her now?" He chuckled. "All Jackie was to him was a hot makeout buddy."

"Exactly," Hyde agreed.

Even though he didn't. Jackie was more to him than that, and Kelso knew it. Being with Jackie was like feeling the sun after almost eighteen years of full-blown winter. He had felt warmth from a woman's arms that weren't parental like Mrs. Forman's, or out of lust like Sam. For a long time, it was perfect.

Then it was gone.

But Hyde didn't want to explain this to Kelso, or with an audience of his fucking closest friends to witness it. He and Jackie were done, and he was tired of having everyone try to make him feel guilty over Sam. Everyone seemed to forget that _Jackie _was the one that fucked up first. He had been ready to propose, give her everything he had to give…

And she left.

Just like he one day thought she would.

"And, anyway. Not like she hadn't been gone for almost four weeks, with no phone calls, no letters, or anything. Not like she has family to look after her since her douchebag parents aren't here. Not like she has any _real_ friends left in Point Place anyway, other than Fez," Kelso continued.

"Hey!," Donna exclaimed. "I'm her friend too!"

Brooke answered Donna back, angrily. "Really, Donna? Hey, sweetheart, heard from Sam lately? Since she's your new best friend now, I thought for sure she'd contact you once she went back to Vegas. I'm sure Sam wouldn't want to ditch her best friend!"

"That's not fair…!" Donna tried to explain, but Kelso interrupted.

"Save it, Donna. It doesn't matter at this point. Jackie's not around, which is what all of you wanted from the beginning. All of you guys hated Jackie, and now God knows where she is. She could be bleeding and dying somewhere, and you two assholes," Kelso jutted his chin out to indicate Donna and Hyde, "couldn't give a shit about it. So save your excuses. Jackie just gave you what you all wanted, right? For her to be out of the basement."

"Mission fucking accomplished."


	5. There's Something About Jackie

**A/N: You guys seriously **_**ROCK MY WORLD!**_** I loved each and every one of your reviews, and I'm so happy that everybody liked the last chapter! I was worried that the gang didn't behave in character, but I'm so happy everyone enjoyed it. The first part of this chapter is my love letter to my hometown, NYC (AKA: THE BEST FUCKING CITY IN THE WORLD!). I just hope that this chapter fulfills your expectations (I'm not too happy w/ it)…and if it doesn't…LIE TO ME! Lol **

**Disclaimer: Seriously…? **_**Look**_** at Season 8. You'd think I'd be responsible for that abomination? **

**Chapter 5: There's Something about Jackie**

They say that New York is gritty. That if you don't behave accordingly, the city can chew you up and spit you out. That it welcomes the bright-eyed and bushy tailed only to spit them out, jaded and cynical.

And they wouldn't necessarily be wrong.

But they wouldn't be totally right, either.

In the months that followed, as Jackie found her apartment, found a job, and immersed herself in her new life, she fell in love with New York in almost the same way that she fell in love with Hyde.

Rashly. Stupidly.

Passionately.

There were days when she would stop in the middle of the sidewalk – a piece of the old vivacious Jackie Burkhart shining through – and she would marvel at the new city she had adopted as her home.

After the pain and sorrow of the closing months of 1979, the city that Frank Sinatra sang about had laid a soothing balm over the wounds of Jackie's soul. In this city where misunderstood misfits and high society rubbed elbows on the subway, she found a peace that had seemingly eluded her since the moment Steven Hyde had walked out of her life.

It was a peace that she thought she would never feel again.

New York, with all of its flaws and hang ups and _hardness_, still had the capacity to enrapture, and captivate those that had crawled to its borders with their need to escape. It embraced all that came to find hope and happiness. It demanded that you grow up, and forced maturity on those foolish to believe that the freedom the city offered didn't come with a price.

And that was something that Jackie Burkhart knew very well. For _everything _comes with a price.

Wasn't she still paying for Hyde?

It was this fact, _this single fact_, that pissed Jackie off to no end. For she knew, as certain as she knew her own name, that no one would_ ever_ love him like she did. That no other woman could bury herself in him, surround herself with all that he was and yet still crave more of him. She had needed him like she had needed air to breathe, and instead of it making her feel weak and helpless, the need to love him made her feel strong and capable.

And then he shattered it.

And she knew, that no matter what happened, no matter if she_ never_ saw him again, Steven Hyde would_ always_ have a piece of her. He would carry a piece of her heart and soul around with him to the end of time, and there was fucking _nothing_ she could do about it. And Jackie was livid, _furious_ that someone who had treated her so badly could yet and_ still_ reign over that stupid hopeful corner of her heart that still believed in unicorns and fairy tales.

She wanted the memory of Hyde to be forgotten.

Over.

_Done._

And she was _furious_ that his face was the last thing she thought about before she went to sleep, and the first thing she longed for in the morning.

It was this very fury that had her accepting a date with Nathan Taylor.

Nathan Taylor was, for all intents and purposes, the big man on campus. His father was a big shot executive at Columbia Records, and according to campus gossip, Nathan was to follow in his father's footsteps. He was good looking and charming, with a sharp wit and intelligence to match.

There was a waiting list for the waiting list to be the next notch on his belt.

But he didn't want those other girls.

He wanted Jackie Burkhart.

And he couldn't even really explain _why_. There was just _something_ about this girl. She just wasn't _like_ the other girls. She wasn't fazed by his pedigree or his credentials, or the fact that he can get them into any place she wanted. She barely looked at him.

She just _wasn't_ interested.

But, _he_ was.

He wasn't even sure _why_ he was so focused on her, but she...she just brought out this _need_ for him to protect her from all the big bad wolves out there. She could dish it out like the rest of them, but there was something about Jackie, other than her stature, that screamed _small_ to him. Like she would break if you weren't careful.

The first time he saw her, Nate had spotted her walking out of class one afternoon, and he had never seen a girl more beautiful than she was. As he stood against the wall, waiting for his sister to come out of the very room Jackie had stepped out from, his gray eyes traced her every curve. She was laughing, talking to some kid from her class, and even in her laughter, Nate could tell that her whole heart wasn't in it.

And he wanted to know why.

So he pressed his sister Melissa for information. They had class together, didn't they? She was bound to know some background information on Jackie.

Melissa gave him shit for it, but Nate couldn't care less. He just couldn't get Jackie's face out of his mind.

It was almost embarrassing.

As always, Melissa came through for him (after _weeks_ of him begging, of course, that bitch), and was able to choreograph a run-in with her brother as she walked outside of the class she shared with Jackie. By that point, after weeks of getting to know Jackie and telling her brother to hold his horses, Melissa, too, fell in love with the brunette. There was just something about this girl (which she was loathe to admit since that was the _very_ thing that Nate had tried to explain to her) that screamed to Melissa that Jackie needed a friend.

And friendship was something that Melissa Taylor did _exceptionally_ well.

For Melissa, it took exactly five minutes of conversation with Jackie Burkhart to know that this girl was special. But, even in the politeness that Jackie had displayed throughout their first conversation, Melissa got the feeling that she was being measured up, but Jackie's measuring stick wasn't like others of her age. Melissa wasn't being measured by her connections, or her last name, her pedigree, or even her choice of major.

Jackie was measuring Melissa on her willingness to hurt her. To break her.

To shatter her.

Melissa passed.

But Jackie kept holding her cards close to the chest, and she wouldn't give up personal information unless forced to do so. Oh, a bit of the old Jackie Burkhart that Melissa never knew came out, when she would talk endlessly about clothes and makeup and the latest trends. But Melissa wasn't stupid. She knew why Jackie would rarely talk about her life outside of New York.

She knew a broken girl when she saw one.

So she choreographed the meeting with Jackie and Nate, hoping that setting Jackie up with her brother would ignite the Jackie fire that Melissa hadn't yet seen, but _felt_ regardless.

It was a fire that she suspected was doused before Jackie walked along the crowded streets of New York.

It was a fire that both brother and sister were eager to re-ignite.

Jackie knew what brother and sister were up to when she first met Nathan. She _was_ Jackie Burkhart, after all, she knew when she was being set up. And while a part of her was furious at Melissa (though it _technically_ wasn't her fault, she never brought up Stev – damn it, Jackie, I thought we went over this! It's _HYDE!_ – name in conversation, how would Melissa know she was still picking up the pieces of the shell of Jackie that _Hyde_ had left behind?), she understood that, like her own matchmaking, Melissa's intentions were good and came from an honest place.

That _still_ didn't mean that Jackie was going to go out Nathan.

Jackie and Nate's first meeting went as smoothly as can be expected – if the expectation was that it would be extremely awkward, with two of the participants knowing all of their lines, while the third stood by, unknowing. Melissa and Nathan invited Jackie out for coffee, and while Jackie knew that at any moment, Melissa would come up with an excuse to leave both Jackie and Nate alone together, she had accepted the invitation.

It _was_ free coffee after all.

And, just like Jackie knew she would, Melissa came up with a – in Jackie's mind, _sorry_ – excuse to jet away.

"Oh my God, _where_ is my head? I was supposed to meet with my dean like ten minutes ago! I'm so sorry, I gotta go!"

And with a flounce of her dark hair – and a secret wink she threw in her brother's direction – Melissa left.

Nate smiled. _Finally…_

"You know, I just remembered that I have something to do, too. It was nice meeting you, Nathan. See you around."

And with that, the girl of Nathan Taylor's dreams walked away.

Nathan frowned after her.

Then he smiled.

_Oh, she's _good, he thought…

* * *

><p>For almost two weeks, that's the way it went. Melissa and Nathan would invite Jackie out for coffee or a bite to eat, and as the three started to make their way over, Melissa would come up with an excuse to leave. Without fail, Jackie would do the same, leaving Nate frustrated and yet, still remarkably turned on by her stubbornness.<p>

Both brother and sister knew that Jackie was onto them.

At first, Jackie's refusal to be alone with Nate confused and frustrated them both. But if it was anything that Jeremiah Taylor taught his two children, it was that if you saw something you wanted, you went out and fought for it. Persistence and dog-headedness were traits that described the elder Taylor to a tee, and they were also traits that he had passed along to his children. "Nothing that _feels_ right is ever easy," he'd say to his kids. "If you don't have to work hard for it, then most likely whatever you're after isn't worth very much."

And Nathan Taylor knew this much – Jackie Burkhart was worth a _lot._

So he had no problem putting in the extra work. To him, Jackie _felt_ right, and he was going to do what his daddy told him to do.

Fight for her.

So, the routine changed somewhat – instead of dashing off to be somewhere else, when the brother and sister duo invited Jackie out, Melissa would be there. While Jackie was surprised at the sudden change of events, she didn't question it. After all, these two wanted to hang out, and who was she to deny them of her beauty and grace?

And that's how the new routine started – Melissa and Nathan would invite Jackie out for coffee, to go out to the movies, to the hundreds of things there was to do in the city, and she would go. And Jackie was grateful. She had forgotten what it was like to simply _hang out_, without the threat of cruel burns and intense discomfort dangling over her head. Slowly, minute by minute, she was regaining all that she had lost in Point Place those last few months of 1979. Her vivacity, her passion…

_Herself._

But fate would sometimes intervene on Hyde's behalf – and fuck her over.

Hearing Zeppelin on the jukebox in some bar, _fuck - _ just _being_ at a bar that had Zeppelin on the jukebox – could still send Jackie into a complete tailspin. She would hear the opening chords of "Thank You" or "Since I've Been Loving You" and the pain she thought over would come rushing back, stronger than ever. She would make some lame excuse to leave, and she would rush back to her apartment, tears running down her face, and a burning hatred for all things related to Steven James Hyde.

And a fury that wouldn't let her sleep.

And so it was this fury that now had her accepting a date with Nathan, much to both his and his sister's delight. Nate was smart enough to know that it wasn't out of Jackie's _genuine_ desire to go out with him, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He already (barely) had her friendship, he wasn't going to go fuck up any opportunity to get her attention romantically.

He had had the night planned out since the moment he saw her face, and had decided that Jackie was a woman that needed to be _dazzled_. So he took her to New York's most expensive restaurant, his father's name getting them the best table, and took her out dancing to the most exclusive club. Nathan had never tried so hard with any of his other girlfriends.

He had never gone this far out for them, either.

As Nate sat with Jackie in the car that he had hired for the evening, he couldn't help but wonder why Jackie seemed a bit preoccupied throughout the entire night. In fact, there were several times when he would say that she actually looked….bored.

"Penny for your thoughts," he called.

Jackie turned her gaze from the window to his face. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about some things."

"I see that. Care to share?"

She giggled softly. "And ruin the mystery? Where's the fun in that?"

"_Ahhhh_, a challenge! You know, I have ways of making ladies such as yourself talk…" Nate warned, taking hold of her hand and kissing it lavishly.

She again giggled, and a part of her wanted to die inside. Here was this guy, this _great_ guy, who had picked her up in a chauffeured car, taken her to the most expensive restaurant, and danced with her in the city's most exclusive club.

So why wasn't she happy?

It didn't escape Jackie the old Jackie would have loved to be on this date, with NYU's most eligible bachelor. The irony of it was rich. The old Jackie would have jumped and squealed at everything Nate did tonight; instead, this new Jackie was a bit bored and wished to be anyplace else.

All because of Steven.

And it pissed her off.

Made her want to rage against whatever deity had made her fall so hard for a man that held nothing but contempt for her, and have her herself just hold nothing but kind regard to the man who sat beside her, trying his best to win her over.

It just wasn't fucking fair.

As the car pulled up to Jackie's building, the air inside the car got a tad more awkward. Nate and Jackie looked at each other, with one hoping for a good night kiss and the other quietly seething that a Wisconsin burnout still held so much of her soul in his hands.

"So…" Nate began.

"Do you wanna come inside?"


	6. Parental Guidance

**A/N: I'm **_**SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY**_** for that long wait in between chapters. I know this seems like a short chapter, and I'm sorry. But I think I have been suffering from author jealousy, as I've been reading MistyMountainHop's comics and all I can think about is how awesome she's done the show! That being said…it also makes my writing seem/feel like crap. Boo. **

**But anyway… I just love every single frickin one of you. Seriously. I must pimp out one of my favorite J/H stories right now, b/c the girl that wrote this is absofuckinglutely fabulous. It's called "Six Years Gone," and she actually gets Jackie's eyes right (they're BROWN, not mismatched, but I'm not changing it here, b/c well…let's face it. I'm lazy. Lol), and she's just…awesome. And oh, and check out MistyMountainHop's **_**T7S **_**comics. If they don't have you cracking up (and a little emotional), then there's something wrong w/ you, as they are FABULOUS! No, seriously… **

**Disclaimer: Look at Season 8. Then look at me. See where I'm going w/ this…?**

**Chapter 6: Parental Guidance**

Kitty Forman was, first and foremost, a mother. It was what she knew God had wanted her to do, to _be._ And regardless of whatever biology said, every one of those kids that had come through those basement doors were her children.

She cooked for them. Looked after them.

_Loved_ them.

She also knew – though it was wrong – that she had a favorite. It was wrong of her, she knew, and felt incredibly guilty about it. Parents weren't supposed to have favorites, but parents were human too, weren't they? They had faults and made mistakes, just like everyone else. Parents were imperfect, but this she knew very well, as her imperfection consisted of peach schnapps. _Lots_ of peach schnapps.

But she loved her children. _Oh_, how she_ loved_ her children…

And it was this love – this overwhelming emotion that caused her the deepest grief when any one of her children were unhappy – that made her want to kick her favorite child in the nads.

Really, really, _really_ hard.

But, as her favorite, she gave him the benefit of the doubt. That he would wise up, and send that stripper packing.

She was wrong.

That after the stripper's _real_ husband came to claim her (and good riddance to them both, she thought), Steven would finally wise up, and apologize and marry Jackie so they could give her pretty blue-eyed grandbabies.

Again, she was wrong.

Her favorite was not acting accordingly.

Not even the teeniest bit.

She knew what went on after that. The cruel way that he would taunt Jackie ("burns" the kids called them), the way he made her feel like she was complete dirt. Like she was some trash…hurting her so much that she had to fly almost a thousand miles away to be away from _him_, from her family.

It was shameful.

And yet, she couldn't _completely_ blame Steven. It was his parents doing, wasn't it? For surely if Bud and Edna hadn't been such horrific parents, Steven wouldn't treat Jackie that way. He would never have gone to Vegas, he would never have married that…that _individual_, and ruin the best thing that ever happened to him.

No, she didn't completely blame Steven.

She blamed herself.

Maybe if she had paid more attention, been more aware, then Steven wouldn't have had to have the childhood he had. Maybe if she had brought him under her roof sooner, he would've learned what parental love was. How it felt to be under the same roof with people that love you, and want you.

And didn't abandon you when you needed them the most.

While logic told her otherwise – that she couldn't have known what was going on in Steven's home, as he was very private – her mother heart knew that was complete _crap._ And, God forgive her, but she _hated_ Bud and Edna. Hated what they did to her baby boy, hated that it was their rotten behavior that made her Steven so distant and cold. He was worthy of so much love, was _capable_ of so much love, but he didn't trust it. Didn't believe that he was worthy of it. But, oh God, he was. He was so loved. By his friends, by Red, herself.

And, Jackie… Oh, good Lord, Jackie…

That tiny girl loved that boy with everything she had…and then loved him more than that, somehow. She didn't think that Jackie had much to give at first (she was so bossy) – but Jackie gave Steven all of herself. As a woman in love herself, Kitty could see it happen before her very eyes. How Jackie's face would light up when Steven walked into the room, how she was the first to rush after Steven when he balked at meeting his real father…Good Lord, Jackie _loved_ that boy.

And Kitty knew – with her mother's heart and the maturity that came with experience – that her baby felt the same. Hadn't she noticed the way Steven's blue eyes would track Jackie's every movement? Or how his gaze focused on her lips when she was blabbing about something or other?

Those stupid sunglasses didn't hide _everything_, ya know!

And yet here they were, her precious Steven, raging at everything and everyone, hurting so much because he _loved_ so much. Jackie had awaken in Steven emotions that he never thought he had – emotions so deep, so burning in their intensity, that it terrified him. With Jackie, the all consuming control he had over his tightly reined in emotions was lost. Vanished into thin air as if the chains binding them deep inside his chest had never existed in the first place.

It was heartbreakingly beautiful the way those two were together when no one was looking.

But Kitty _always_ looked. She's a _mother_, she _needed_ to look.

She _saw._

And because she looked, because she _saw_, she was now heartbroken for both her children. For the one that loved so much it broke her, and the other for being so terrified to openly love her back.

It took almost all of Kitty Forman's willpower to not shout out from the rooftops where Jackie was. Because no matter _how_ Steven behaved, no matter all the garbage that he sprouted to his friends about how happy he was finally to be rid of her, Kitty knew that Jackie's absence cut Steven down to his bones. She didn't sense this with her eyes, or her ears.

Kitty Forman sensed it with a mother's soul.

But the woman inside of the mother couldn't help but be a tad bit pleased at his misery. Oh, she wasn't proud of it – but, Jackie was her child, too. And every atom of every cell that was packed into the matter that was Kitty shredded every time she saw that tiny girl walk away from her house with tears in her eyes.

Her house was supposed to be a happy home. Kitty had tried hard to make it so. Yet, coming to this house was tearing Jackie apart. It was taking a part of her, slowly. Killing that bright light that burned so deeply inside Jackie that the man on the moon could see it. The final months of 1979 was the dimmest Kitty had ever seen her be. And she knew – though it killed her to admit it – that if Jackie hadn't left when she had, she would slowly start becoming exactly like her mother.

If that process hadn't started already.

And both the woman and mother cried when Jackie left, and rejoiced seeing her go.

Jackie deserved better.

While Kitty loved each and every one of those that hung out in her basement, she couldn't help but carry around a ball of resentment towards that redheaded harlot and her favorite son. It wasn't right, this resentment, but she couldn't help it. As much as she knew that Jackie needed to go, the fact that she was gone had left a gaping hole in her place. Jackie may have been known to lie on occasion, and there was no doubt that she could be shrill and bossy. But under all that shrillness and bossiness was a huge heart that was filled to the brim with liquid gold. She had used that gold, even if it was strangely done, but she had used that gold to warm others, confident in the fact that she was loved the same way.

Donna and Steven had proven otherwise.

It was disgraceful the way those two had treated someone who had loved them so dearly. To be completely honest, it shamed Kitty as a mother that two children she had both seen grow up and raised herself to be so completely ignorant of someone else's pain. Donna had always been self-righteous, and almost always refused to see what was directly in front of her. Kitty hated to say it, but she wasn't exactly surprised at Donna's lack of sensitivity when it came to Jackie. She had seen it when it came out that Jackie had been left on her own, and Donna had been so reluctant to let her stay at her house. It tore Kitty to pieces to see Jackie so alone – and amazed her when Donna almost had to be forced to ask Jackie to stay at the Pinciotti's.

It was shameful.

And now Jackie was in a new city, knowing no one and fending for herself on her own. Kitty realized that it was for the best – there was a part of her that was boiling over with pride at Jackie's burst of independence. But the mother – the mother that had watched this tiny girl blossom into a beautiful woman, in spite of life's cruelty – was worried and afraid. Worry for Jackie alone in the big city, and fear for the life that Steven would lead if Jackie never came back.

They were meant to be together, those two. Kitty Forman knew this to be true down to her _bones_.

The worry became less intense, though, as Jackie would try to call as often as she could to tell her of her new life in New York. While her chipper voice didn't exactly match the Jackie that she had met, she felt better knowing that Jackie was trying to be happy in New York.

She was trying to be happy, and Kitty would never deny her that. Jackie's happiness had always been dependent on other people – her parents, Michael, then Steven. Kitty, though loving having her kids – biological or not – close to her, understood Jackie's need to finally put herself first. Finally choose to seek out the happiness for herself, instead of depending on other people to give it to her. It made Kitty so proud to see Jackie taking initiative, fighting for her right to be happy.

She just wished that it didn't come at the cost of her surrogate son's wellbeing.

It was a monumental effort for Kitty to not yell out from the rooftops where Jackie was. She understood Jackie's wishes, and even agreed with her on some of them, but every time that Kitty had to watch Steven nurse hangover after hangover tore her up inside. It didn't matter what Steven said about being glad that Jackie's gone, about finally being free from that "evil bitch" as he called her.

He was falling apart without her.

Kitty wasn't as oblivious as she seemed. She knew what went on in her house – she's a _mother_. She's seen the women walk past her kitchen, having come from the basement outside stairs. Women Steven used and discarded, their only appeal being their ability to erase Jackie from his memory for a time.

They never lasted more than a couple of days.

Kitty hurt for her son more than words can ever begin to describe. It was a pain that she would've gladly taken from him, if he hadn't been at fault. But he had, having thrown away Jackie's love out of jealousy and pride. And just outright _meanness_.

If she didn't love him the way she did, his behavior over the last several months would be enough to have her make him eat Pop-tarts for the next _year_.

But she did, oh God, she loved this poor lost boy so much. Her heart ached for him – this orphan boy who tried so hard to show how he didn't care. But she knew. Steven had an overwhelming depth of love inside of him, and the intensity of that love terrified him. Loving meant having to be vulnerable, and Steven hated being vulnerable. The only people he trusted enough to be vulnerable with were herself and Red, and even _that_ took years of feeding him her chocolate chip pancakes.

Not many could resist her pancakes, ya know. They wouldn't _dare…_

Kitty sighed into her cup of coffee, watching the boy- oh, he was still so very much a little boy – nurse yet another hangover in her kitchen. She knew it wouldn't do any good for her to say anything.

So she didn't, and silently prayed that the demons that Bud and Edna had set loose upon Steven's soul would just leave him in peace.

And with Jackie.

* * *

><p>Hyde watched the television without really watching it. He was nursing his fourth beer, and it had yet to hit three in the afternoon. Not to mention the two solo circles – and was a circle really a circle if there was only one participant? he wondered – he had imbibed in earlier.<p>

After all, getting fucked up was what was on the agenda today.

As it had been for the past three months.

Or was it four?

He could barely remember anymore.

All he knew was that _this_ was the life. He was happy – he had a lot of beer, a shitload of weed, and a little black book of chicks that were still aching to ride him as hard as they could.

They didn't nag. They barely even talked. All they cared about was his dick and how hard he could give it to them.

To Hyde, it was the perfect life.

But it wasn't. And he knew it.

It wasn't perfect because there was no short bitchy brunette to nag him. There was no shrill voice demanding he make more of himself. No kicks to the shin with pointy shoes when he did something to annoy her.

And, fuck it _all_, he missed it, man!

Hyde threw his half empty beer can across the room, suddenly furious, pacing around the basement. Jackie wasn't here, and he was losing it. Losing his grip, his zen, because she was no longer around. He missed her more now more than he ever knew – and it infuriated him that she could so easily get him to this point. All that beer, all that weed, all those fucking chicks – it meant nothing because no matter how drunk he got, how much weed he smoked, how many chicks he nailed – Jackie Burkhart was always the first face he needed to see in the morning, and the first to pop into his mind the moment he closed his eyes at night.

What he wouldn't give to burn that bitch out of the water for turning him into a pussy like Forman.

He wished, with all that was in him, he wished – that she had never sunk him so low. That he never noticed her, that he secretly never wished for her while she was still with Kelso. That it wasn't the memory of her coming beneath him that would send him over the edge every time he was out nailing other chicks. She had seeped into his blood, man, making herself a part of him that he was desperately seeking relief from.

She was like a fucking disease.

As he calmed himself down, once again grabbing a hold of his zen, he went to grab a mop so he could clean up the spilled beer. Mrs. Forman shouldn't have to clean up after his fucking temper tantrums, she had already had enough with her twitchy son and whorey daughter. She didn't need to suffer from cleaning up after him, _too._

As he started to clean up the spilled beer, Red came rushing down the stairs, eye blazing with temper and fiery purpose.

"What the hell is wrong with you, boy? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Hyde looked at him, confused.

"Kitty is upstairs, crying her eyes out because of you and Jackie!" Red thundered.

"Uhhh…Red? Jackie and I have been broken up for awhile now…"

"You think I give a shit?" Red yelled, almost seeing red and shaking from fury. "You don't think I don't know what's going on in my house, with my own kids? That girl loved your dumbass more than life, and you're here fucking drinking beer! Kitty hasn't seen Jackie in _months_ and it's you and that redhead's fault! Do you know that she wants to plan a trip to New York to go see Jackie now...?"

"Wait – Jackie…Jackie's in New York?"


	7. Proving a Point

**A/N: I should be spanked for not updating in so long, I know… But your reviews are awesome, and thank you. Seriously. The fact that you guys have given this story a chance means so much to me, and I just want to give every one that's reviewed a big hug w/ a side of peanut M&Ms. You guys rock, seriously.**

**And on that note…did everyone go read "Six Years Gone" & all of MistyMountainHop's stories? And did you read Misty's comics? She's doing "Black Dog" now, ya know. You should come join us on FanForum, where we all dish about how much we hate Season 8 and how we'd all like our personal Steven Hydes…**

**Just sayin. **

**Also – here's a warning – I personally think this chapter sucks. But DON'T tell me. LOL…**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think that I would allow the gorgeousness of Daniel Masterson's face to be DEFACED w/ a horrible pornstache? EXACTLY!**

**Chapter 7: Proving a Point**

It had been awhile since Jackie had treated herself to a bit of decadence, other than the maintenance rituals that had become habitual and routine throughout the years. The deep conditioning treatments, the hair curling, the manicures and pedicures – all of this was really old hat to the girl. Beauty such as hers needed to be maintained always – she owed it to the world to always have her hair shiny, nails and toes painted in coordinating or matching hues. She was a beautiful girl, yes, but such beauty needed to be maintained.

It was her duty as a beautiful girl, after all.

But with the depletion of her family's once abundant coffers, maintenance level beauty rituals was all that Jackie was able to afford. Granted, she was able to pay for NYU through a trust fund that her grandparents had left for her, but she was also very careful and mindful of the money she spent. She was once a girl that thought that having money had given her the right to spend all of it, not realizing that money did not grow on trees, and never would. The comfort that money offered, once a substitute for her parents love, had become a comfort in the past year. She couldn't control Donna's treatment of her. She couldn't control Hyde's obvious disgust for her.

But she could control what went in and out of her bank account.

It was really the only thing she had left.

So it was a surprise, and not a little bit of glee, to find herself with Melissa in one of the New York's best beauty spas. Melissa had come to her with the idea yesterday for a day of beauty and pampering, she had been flattered…and anxious. While the Jackie Burkhart of 1977 would've thought nothing of spending a small fortune on pampering herself, the Jackie of 1980 was wary of spending so much money on things that she could probably do herself.

And better than most professionals.

She might have been pinching her pennies…but no one knows what looks good on Jackie Burkhart better than the girl herself.

So she played it off – telling Melissa that she might have had to go to work the next day, until Melissa - who knew a thing or two about pride herself – told her that it was going to be her treat. And while Jackie was about to retort with a bitchy comment on how she didn't need to be anyone's charity case, Melissa came out with a response that Jackie could appreciate, and accept.

"I hate to be rude, but I just respect you too much to be dishonest. Your hair and skin are to die for, and I'm basically bribing you into coming with me tomorrow so you can tell those idiots at the spa how to _really _do it. Think of anything you get as like, payment for your services."

Melissa knew that Jackie wasn't going to accept the invitation unless she made it sound like Jackie would be doing her a favor. While never having to worry about pinching pennies herself, Melissa understood that Jackie wouldn't take kindly to being treated for something that she couldn't afford. It was a trait that Melissa knew very well, as her father was one of the proudest men she knew, and would never accept anything that he felt he didn't earn or deserve.

And going around that pride was something that Barbara Taylor did well, and it was a skill that she had passed on to both her children.

But Melissa _did_ have an ulterior motive for inviting Jackie out to a beauty day (other than the craters on her face that some people would call pores). Nathan had told her next to nothing about their date, and Jackie didn't trust Melissa enough to divulge in her thoughts and feelings regarding same. And while it may have scraped Melissa's pride that she still hadn't earned Jackie's trust, she also was perceptive enough to know that there had to be a reason as to why Jackie always kept the people she met in New York at arm's distance. A beautiful girl such as Jackie was always in demand, especially in a city like New York. But, regardless of all of that, Jackie maintained a wall between her and others. It was a deliberate disconnect – a way from her getting emotionally involved with anyone. Jackie had learned the hard way what happens when you put your trust in someone.

They leave you.

Then they break you.

While Melissa was no psych major, she had a keen sense of observation. And what she observed was that Jackie had been fucked over, _truly_ fucked over, and regardless of the fact that she hadn't known Jackie for that long, it was beyond comprehension as to how someone could make a girl so obviously vibrant so despairingly dull.

She'd kick some righteous ass if only she knew who had done it.

Jackie, though, wasn't completely oblivious to what Melissa was doing, and was quite touched that she was trying so hard to gain her trust. It had been such a long time since anyone had really given a shit about what _she_ wanted, or gave any serious thought to her emotional wellbeing. And while Jackie was so incredibly awestruck at the kindness that Melissa had been showing to her since the moment they met, it would undoubtedly be followed by feelings of complete misery – as here was Melissa, an intelligent woman who didn't make Jackie feel like shit for liking silly things like disco and clothes, and Donna, who had known Jackie for years and almost made it her mission to make Jackie feel as unworthy as possible.

It was strange, and yet somehow fitting, that in a city of millions, Jackie Burkhart was seen as worthwhile without even trying. While in a small nowhere town somewhere in Wisconsin, she was seen as worthless as yesterday's trash.

It was this thought that had given Jackie pause, as Melissa told her of the time that her and Nathan had been caught trying to sneak out of their penthouse apartment two years ago when they were trying to get into Studio 54. She had been laughing, caught up in Melissa's hilarious story, when the feelings of mediocrity and insecurity came rushing backing in. The smile that had been on Jackie's face since she walked into the spa was gone.

"Hey, Jackie, " Melissa asked. "What's wrong?"

Jackie looked over to her, seeing the concern on her face. And immediately became infuriated that this girl, who knew almost nothing of her life, could be so great and wonderful, while the two people that she had almost loved to distraction couldn't give two shits on where she was and whether or not she was okay.

Jackie sighed.

"Everything's fine," she answered. "Just thinking of all the work I have to do this week…"

Melissa wasn't convinced. But she let it go for now – for there was something that she had been dying to know.

"So, Jackie…" she started, and Jackie tensed, knowing what was coming. "How'd your date with Nate go?"

"Uhh, it was nice." Jackie looked down at her toes, suddenly fascinated with her choice of pedicure hue.

"C'mon, Jackie, give me something. Neither of you want to talk about it, and…I'm getting worried, alright? If Nate did something that upset you or anything…"

"No, no, no! He was a perfect gentleman…" Jackie said.

"Then why won't you talk about it? I don't mean to pry, honey, but you or Nate haven't said anything, and I'm starting to get worried…."

"There's no reason for you to worry," Jackie sighed. "Ugh! This is so embarrassing!"

"What is?"

Jackie looked over to Melissa. Could she really trust her? Could she really tell her what happened that night? That the memories of her simple dates with Hyde had clamored in her head, making her almost choke with sadness and despair? How Nate's obvious thoughtfulness had almost driven her crazy, with a part of her that almost ached for those moments when it was just her and Hyde in his Camino, laying on the flatbed looking up at the stars? How infuriating it was to _finally_ have a guy do and say all the romantic things she wanted, and yet still ache with longing for a man that so effortlessly destroyed her.

And worse – what still scraped her pride and self-esteem – when Jackie had asked Nate if he wanted to go inside, he had said no.

She had balked – how _dare_ he reject _her_, Jackie Burkhart! – but…she was secretly glad. She was all for proving a point – but that's exactly what it would have been. She had invited Nate inside to prove to herself, to fate, to _Steven_, that she, too could move on. She could sleep with someone else, have someone else inside her, and not feel like she was cheating. Not feel as if she was choking on her pain, not feel as if Steven Hyde's chokehold on her very heart and soul wasn't still very much alive and evident.

She could shut off her emotions. Be _zen. _Finally prove to the outside world that she just wasn't some broken little girl that still believed in unicorns, and fairy tales, and true love. That still believed in the promises of a Wisconsin burnout that were whispered in her ear after hours of passionate lovemaking.

She could do that.

_Really._

But – if she did that…she wouldn't be the same. She wouldn't be Jackie Burkhart. She had lost so much of herself in the past year. So much of herself had been lost – her pride, her dignity, her sense of _self._ She just couldn't allow herself to become so cold and unfeeling that she would turn into the very person that had made her that way.

Which would mean that Steven would win.

He had won so many of their relationship battles – so much of it was Jackie always forgiving and forgetting…she had had enough. It was that sleepless night after her date with Nathan, as she watched the rain that showed up so unexpectedly over Manhattan's populace, that she had refused to give anymore. They were done, over, dead. While a part of her heart refused to believe that all hope was lost for them, she silenced it's plea with images of Hyde and his wife, making out on his chair, hearing Sam scream his name in passion while they had been fucking as Jackie sat in the basement couch watching tv, his complete and utter disregard and seeming disgust to all things Jackie-related.

That shut it up real quick.

Steven had killed a part of her, stolen from her her vivacity and tenaciousness and joy. And while she had given these parts of herself to him with a dance in her step and music in her heart, he had thrown it away like it was trash and unworthy. And because so much of Jackie lay in those she loved, in throwing her love away, Hyde had essentially thrown her away too.

She deserved better than that.

And she refused – _refused_ – to be held back by his memory any longer.

There was a time that Jackie felt that she couldn't _breathe_ without him by her side.

She was still breathing. And he hadn't been by her side, fuck, even _on_ her side, for far too long.

So Jackie made a decision that night. Maybe the old Jackie was gone, but that didn't mean that her memory would've been for naught. She had come to New York to start over, make a new life.

A life that Steven James Hyde had no part of.

And never would.

Jackie smiled at Melissa. "You know what? Your brother's a great guy. I think I'd say yes if he were to ask me out again."

Melissa squealed. She couldn't _wait_ to tell Nate.


	8. No Apologies

**A/N: Yeah, baby! Two chapters in two days! I loved writing this chapter – it's what everyone's been waiting for! Again, thanks for your reviews! Hugs and cookies for everyone!**

**Disclaimer: C'mon, man…**

**Chapter 8: No Apologies**

Hyde couldn't believe it.

She was in New York.

_New York_.

What the hell?

And Red and Kitty and God knew who else, _knew_.

And didn't tell him.

He needed answers.

And knew just where to go to get them.

* * *

><p>As soon as Fez opened the door, he was met with a friendly fist to the face.<p>

_Oh dear, _he thought as he looked up from the floor. _Looks like someone knows about Jackie._

"You knew. All this fucking time…and you _knew…"_ Hyde was about to explode, so huge and encompassing was his rage and frustration. He was going to pound Fez into the ground, the little backstabbing cocksucker…

Fez, though, had had enough. He was tired of the hypocrisy, tired of the bullshit. Yeah, he freaking knew where Jackie was, and he wasn't going to apologize for it.

Hyde wasn't the only one about to explode.

"That's right I fucking knew! And I'm _not_ going to apologize for it!"

"You-you're not going to _apologize?_ You selfish fucking prick! How could you not tell the rest of us where Jackie was? We're her fucking friends, man!"

Fez burst out laughing.

And it wasn't just a simple chuckle – he was all out _laughing._ In fact, he was laughing so much, that his eyes were getting teary.

Hyde did _not_ get what was so funny.

"You-you're her fucking _friend?" _ In an instant, Fez' eyes and face went hard. "My goddess hasn't had any real _friends_ since you dropped her for Sam. Everyone's been real _friendly_ towards Jackie in the past year. With her _supposed_ best friend so fricking _happy_ to welcome that whore into the fold, with the guy that she gave up her _dream_ for treating her like she was a worthless piece of shit for the past year. Oh yeah, real _friendly, _Hyde."

"Why does everyone seem to forget – "

"I swear to God, Hyde, if you even _mention_ the words Chicago and Kelso…"

"She cheated on me, man! She left me _first!"_ Hyde was beyond pissed, frustrated beyond belief that no one could see that Jackie abandoned him first, when he wouldn't give her that shiny fucking brass ring she wanted.

"You've gotta be kidding me, dude. All she wanted was some sort of _sign_ that you saw her in your future, and _you_ were the one who couldn't give her that! She gave up a _dream_ for you, you son of a bitch! She _never_ cheated on you! You were _it_ for her, Hyde. Jackie _adored_ you. And _she_ cheated on _you_ first? You cheated on her with that skanky nurse!"

Crap. Hyde had forgotten about that.

"I thought that she and Kelso…"

"Her and Kelso _nothing!_ I love Michael Kelso as much as the next guy, but Jackie and Kelso are _not_ right for each other! Everyone else seems to know that, _except you_! If she _really_ wanted to be with Kelso, why did she decline his marriage proposal? Why did she stay with _you_ for so long, huh? Why did she rebuff him every time he made a move on her? Why was she the one that finally convinced him to try to make it work with Brooke? Oh, silly me – it's _obviously cuz she's in love with Kelso!" _

Hyde stood there, speechless…and scared shitless. Because, underneath the incredibly dark furious brew that was still there bubbling, there was now an underlying flavor that Hyde recognized as truth.

Undeniable, inescapable truth.

Fez sighed, obviously at the end of his tirade. "Listen, Hyde. Jackie asked me not to tell. She made us promise."

Hyde looked down, emotions that he so long denied coming to the surface, almost choking him. "I...didn't…"

Fez let out a humorless chuckle. "Yeah, I know. You didn't know."

* * *

><p>As the news of Jackie's whereabouts continued to hit him – at the most inopportune moments, of course – Hyde tried to go back to the life he had before he found out. Circles, beer, chicks, and during the more lucid moments – he might've worked at the store for like an hour or two.<p>

That lasted for about a week…until Kelso showed up to surprise his parents with Betsy.

And then it all exploded.

After Fez' eye-opening conversation, Hyde had chosen to keep his mouth shut regarding Jackie's whereabouts. There was just…_too much_ going on inside of his head, inside of his – _dare he say it? - heart_.

That fist-sized, beating organ - that he and his friends swore he didn't have – until a tiny brunette in a cheerleader skirt showed it to him.

If Hyde were completely and totally honest – not to mention toasted beyond belief – he could admit to himself that there was more than a grain of truth to Fez' words. He _had_ treated Jackie like shit for the past year – fuck, since Christmas of 78. He had a new father, a new job…and he just didn't know how to handle it. Didn't know how to deal with all of these new things going on in his life, and the direction that his life was taking. He had been forced to grow up so fast so quickly, and just when he thought life was settled, his best friend leaves his fiancé the night before their wedding, he finds out he has a black father….

…and the girl that had inspired in him so much emotion…she wants …a _future._

With _him._

And maybe there lay the crux of his problem – his inability to see a future for himself, when all he really knew was to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by precious minute.

But Jackie…she pushed, man. She wanted some sort of confirmation of his devotion – some type of _commitment_. She just…she didn't know, man. She didn't know what it felt like to live the best part of your life just waiting for the other shoe to drop, just waiting for someone to rip the rug right from underneath you.

_C'mon, man, _his conscience (_**and when the FUCK did he get one of those**_?) scoffed. _If there's __**anything**__ that Jackie knows, is about being scared of being abandoned. She's been abandoned by everybody. _

_Including you._

It was usually then – when his conscience (which he needed to get rid of at some point to keep his reputation intact) would bombard him with memories of how they were together. How good she felt in his arms when they slept in his cot, how good it felt waking up to her face in the morning. God, he always thought she looked the best in the morning – no makeup, her hair all messy from sleep - she was just fucking _beautiful_, man. And, _God_, how she felt in the mornings…

There had to be something about going to sleep and waking with someone you cared about. The caring has to add something to it – because Hyde never felt the same feelings with Sam or with any other chick that he felt when waking up and going to sleep with Jackie. Hyde had always been pretty much a light sleeper, but with Jackie in his arms…man, he slept deeper, fuller. Maybe it had been the smell of her hair, or the mere Jackie warmth that her body provided…it was a feeling that no other woman had given him.

He would always wake up in her arms. Or vice versa. It seemed that sleep would always elude the both of them, unless they were in each other's arms. Jackie had confessed to him once that only when sleeping with him would her body find true rest.

They had both been coming down from a circle, both a little tipsy from the beers they had been drinking, and still oh so very high. But Hyde remembered filling his hands with her hair as she straddled him in the flatbed of the Camino, and looking into her bloodshot, mismatched eyes.

"Yeah," he had whispered. "I know…"

She then proceeded to give him one of the greatest kisses of his life. Deep, intense, passionate – he had never felt more, been _inspired_ to give more, than he had been that night. They had kissed each other with all that they had to give, and he had made love to her then. Trying to show with his body what was so fucking difficult for him to say out loud.

It had been one of the first times in his life in which he truly lost himself in the moment. There was no thought of abandonment, of Kelso, of worrying when he would wake up from this awesome dream. All thoughts were focused on one thing…

_Jackie_.

She had ridden him with wild and reckless abandon, whimpering "I love you" endlessly into his mouth. With every bump and grind, Hyde felt Jackie give herself over to him, totally and completely. As she tightened around him, he could've sworn feeling her heart bleeding into his hands. Filling up all the empty spaces, all the holes left behind by those that thought that he was worthless.

It was, without a doubt, one of the greatest nights of his life.

So caught up in his thoughts of Jackie, he was almost violently snapped back into reality by Kelso's arrival to the basement with Brooke and Betsy.

As Kelso started to tell them his recent burn on one of his cop friends, Hyde sat back and his chair and looked at him behind his sunglasses, thinking.

Here was the man that he swore Jackie would forever love. The person that he could almost swear would be the guy that she _really_ ended up with, and if not Kelso, someone else.

Better than him.

In all honesty, there was a part of Hyde that always thought that Jackie had been slumming it with him. Even after they found out that he had a rich daddy, Hyde never really believed that Jackie was his _completely_. Regardless of how many times she told him, how many times she tried to prove it through her actions, he never one hundred percent believed that Jackie was only his, forever.

He always kept waiting for her to walk out.

And in the end, she did.

But he had shoved her through the door, hadn't he?

As Kitty called them upstairs for dinner, Hyde kept quiet, more so than usual. He was caught up in past memories, of Jackie sitting next him, her left hand rubbing enticingly up and down his thigh, her smirk as he would look over with raised eyebrows.

God, he missed her.

"Steven, are you okay? You're barely touching your dinner." Kitty looked at him questioningly.

"Yeah, Hyde – you doing alright there, buddy? You've barely said two words to anyone." Forman asked, digging into his mashed potatoes.

"Kitty, leave the boy alone. If he doesn't want to eat, then it's more for the rest of us," Red stated, face stern.

"Well, Red, we can't let the boy waste away. I mean," Kitty continued, worry on her face. "What with him finding out that Jackie's in New York, I'm sure that - "

"_**WHAT?"**_ Eric and Donna shouted, the both of them jumping up from their seats.

"Goddamn it, Kitty!" Red thundered.

Kitty looked around the table, and laughed nervously. "Whoops."

It was then that Hyde clued in…that Kelso hadn't said a word.

And he didn't look surprised.

"You fucking knew, didn't you?" Hyde growled, pissed beyond belief at the idea that Kelso had known where Jackie was all along, and hadn't said a word. "All that shit you gave Donna and me in Chicago, you fucking knew where Jackie was the entire time!" Hyde flew up from his chair, itching to beat Kelso into a bloody pulp.

Kelso stood up, face serious and stern. "Yeah, I knew."

"What the hell, Kelso!" Donna exclaimed, indignant fury dripping from every syllable.

It was then that chaos erupted – Eric, Donna, and Hyde arguing with Fez, Kelso and Brooke, no one hearing anything the other side was saying, as it was a chorus of shouts and recriminations.

Then Betsy started to cry.

Which _really_ pissed Red off.

"_**THAT'S ENOUGH!" **_ He shouted.

And effectively shut everyone – including Betsy – up.

"Jesus Christ, you kids are morons. _Morons!_ And for once I'm not talking about the kettlehead and Ali Baba here, I'm talking about you three," pointing to Donna, Eric, and Hyde. "You fucking think you have a right to get pissed at us for knowing where Jackie was and not telling you? I should stick my foot in all three of your asses! You idiots have no fucking _clue_ what you put that girl through this past year! She gave up on an _opportunity of a lifetime_ for you," Red thundered, looking at Hyde, "and what do you do? You fucking come home married to a stripper!"

"Well, to be honest, Dad, they weren't legally married, so-" At Red's murderous glare, Eric shut up quickly, looking around the table to realize that there were equally murdering looks from almost everyone around the table.

"And _you!_" Red continued, looking at Donna. "You fucking call yourself a feminist? You befriended a _woman who takes her clothes off for a living!_ And for WHAT? Because she had a nice car? And you treated poor Jackie like complete _SHIT_ for the past year!"

"And you," Red continued, glancing in Eric's direction. "You're just a dumbass!"

"Why, thanks, Dad-"

"Shut it, moron," Red threatened. "I cannot believe that you have the balls to stand in my house and have the audacity to be insulted that we didn't tell you where that poor girl was. You put that girl through the worst kind of misery for the past year, and now that she's no longer your punching bag, all of a sudden you're worried about her whereabouts. You didn't give a shit when she would leave this house with tears in her eyes, you were too worried about you're fucking pathetic lives instead of being there for her. I, for one, am not going to apologize for not telling you dumbasses where she was, and I doubt that anyone who knew is going to, either. You broke that poor girl, and you made damn sure that she knew where she stood with you. So don't you dare act like you actually care about that girl, when in reality, you just need someone to take out all your bullshit on."

"Now, either eat your dinner…or get the fuck out of my house."

And with that, dinner continued.

In silence.


	9. Compassion & Comfort

**A/N: I'm a horrible, horrible person, I know… I should be spanked for making you guys wait so long…**

**Okay, here's the thing that I want you guys to get in this chapter – I want Jackie to **_**FINALLY **_**get the support that she deserves. And I know that's probably stupid of telling you guys what the chapter is about before you read it, but that's the point that I wanted to make here. I've always felt that Jackie kinda got shafted in the emotional support department, and I wanted to correct that in my story. Our girl deserves a kickass support system, doncha think?**

**Disclaimer: PUHLEASE, people…**

**Chapter 9: Compassion & Comfort**

The Taylor family, while being incredibly wealthy, were not the snobs that most would assume them to be. They were, in fact, one of the most down-to-earth people that you could ever meet. And this was strange, considering that Barbara Taylor, Melissa and Nate's mother, came from old money, and many thought she had married beneath her station when she married Jeremiah Taylor.

And then they actually _met_ Jeremiah Taylor, and wondered why the hell she didn't marry him sooner.

Jerry Taylor was a charmer. But not those bullshit charmers that sold used cars – but the kind that made you feel as if you were the only person in the world that mattered to him. That whatever kind of hell you were going through, he was right there along with you, understood you, and supported you, come hell or high water. It was this distinctive quality that made him so successful in the music business – he was able to garner the respect and trust of the most volatile of artists, and in turn, made them create some of their best work.

And while it was true that it was his charm that got him a date with the gorgeous and incredibly wealthy Barbara Campbell, it was his honesty and integrity that she fell in love with. When he said he'd pick her up at seven, he was at her door at six fifty nine. When he said he would call her after a show, he'd call, no matter the late hour.

As he was fond of telling her, "If I don't stay on my toes with you, I do believe that your father would hire someone to break them for me."

Even surrounded by equally copious amounts of drugs and women, Jerry Taylor never dabbled in either. He had grown up in a lower middle-class section of Queens, and he had seen what having too much both did to people, to families. His father, who worked 35 years as a city bus driver, would tell him stories of seeing women sell their bodies, and sometimes their children, for a quick fix. As his father would say, "It was no way to live."

It was also the love of his parents – married 54 years in August – that had really sold what he wanted from a woman. Jerry wanted the laughter, the tears, the _unity_ that only a soul mate could provide for him.

He found it in Barbara Campbell.

And while their impromptu marriage in City Hall – due to the fact that Barbara was already three months pregnant with Nathan – raised a lot of eyebrows, those who knew the couple knew that they were _it_ for each other. They were in it for the long haul.

And even after 23 years of marriage, and 25 years of being together, Jerry and Barbara had been known to get caught making out on the living room couch like a couple of teenagers.

And this is what Jeremiah and Barbara Taylor wanted for their children.

The love. The laughter. The passion that could only be inspired by the other.

And, as much as they wished it to be untrue, they knew that this is not what Nate would find with Jackie Burkhart.

And the blame wasn't on the poor girl, or on their son.

They just weren't meant to be.

It certainly wasn't for lack of trying on Nathan's part.

Jerry saw his son became further and further enamored of Jackie Burkhart, and in all honesty, he couldn't blame him. Jackie was truly sensational, and he could see what his son saw in her. She was incredibly beautiful, smart, witty, and charming. If Jerry didn't have such a great read on people, he would've begged Nate to marry the girl as quickly as possible.

But – Jerry _did_ have a good read on people. And the feelings that he could see were beginning to burn in his son's eyes, weren't even flickering in Jackie's.

And he could see that Jackie was desperate to inflame them.

She had never in her life wanted anything more than to fall in love with Nathan. For in Nathan – Jackie got what she thought she always wanted – rich, attentive, and desperate to please. He was funny, intelligent, came from a great family. He was a great dancer, kissed well…

But nothing.

Her heart still belonged to someone else.

And she hated it.

Loving Hyde _hurt_.

A lot.

She couldn't understand it. She couldn't understand why the man of her teenaged dreams was falling in love with her, and she didn't feel anything for him but a friendly affection. It drove Jackie up the wall, because she knew – and there was no one that knew him better than she did, _nobody_ – that Hyde was back in Point Place fucking anything that walked.

And here she was, about to begin her second year at a great school after a great New York summer, in the best city, with a guy that most girls would die for.

And yet – Hyde still haunted her dreams. And at times, some of her waking hours.

_God,_ she missed him so much…

But she refused to give in to her need. Because no matter what her heart and soul wanted, her mind wanted peace. She wanted a guy to love her, _love _her. And not be afraid of it. Not be so desperate to hide behind sunglasses, and burns, and fucking _zen_. To willingly admit that he wanted her, and needed her. A guy that wasn't so crippled by insecurity that he couldn't trust her with her puppy love ex-boyfriend. A guy that'd _fight_ for her.

In other words…the exact opposite of Steven James Hyde.

And Nathan was it.

He was everything that Hyde wasn't – attentive, openly loving. She always knew where she stood with him.

And that was always first.

So what if there wasn't a day that went by that she still didn't ache for Hyde? So what if there were times when she kissed Nate, and desperately wished it was Hyde's lips that she was tasting? So what if there were so many things that were going right in her life, and Hyde was still the first person she wanted to tell them to?

They were done.

As fall came to New York – as the anniversary of Sam's arrival to the Forman doorstep neared – Jackie threw herself into becoming the perfect girlfriend for Nate. She would dote over him, and smother him – and to the unobservant, she looked like a girl completely in love with her boyfriend.

But she wasn't.

And Barbara Taylor knew it.

She loved Jackie. God, Jackie was _wonderful._ The Jackie of Point Place, Wisconsin was slowly coming back, and that bitchy persona that had dominated her high school years began to make its appearance. And to a born and bred New Yorker such as Barbara, she was delighted to see the woman that her son was falling in love with have such fire. Jackie had spine, and spunk, and Barbara loved it.

But Jackie also had a heart that was being put back together after being shattered to pieces. And no matter how much that bitchy cheerleader personality would sometimes come out, it didn't negate the fact that Jackie was still not the Jackie of old.

Hyde and Donna had made certain of that.

_It's such a shame_, Barbara thought, as she watched Jackie joke around with Nathan in her kitchen one evening. She knew that while Jackie was great, she didn't love her baby boy like she should. Definitely not the way that Nathan deserved.

Barbara truly wished that she could hate Jackie. Wished that she couldn't see Jackie's struggle to fall in love with her son. Wished that that motherly intuition that screamed out that Jackie didn't love Nate that way she should. That she loved him as a friend, and a friend only.

Hoping that she was wrong, but knowing she wasn't, Barbara had taken Jackie under her wing, of sorts. In Jackie, Barbara had seen sparks of herself when she was Jackie's age. But Jackie wasn't like her completely. Barbara didn't have walls built miles high barely into her twenties. Her eyes hadn't been as sad, her heart hadn't been as heavy, and her loneliness hadn't been so desperate.

But Barbara recognized in Jackie what her daughter had – here was a girl that needed something to hold onto. Something tangible, something _real._

So, regardless of the fact that Jackie didn't love Nathan the way Barbara felt she should, she knew that in some ways, Jackie needed this. She needed to be loved like this, cared for like this. Because despite the fact that Jackie only rarely mentioned Point Place, Barbara knew that Jackie had never known love as simple as this. As straightforward. As uncomplicated. And even though the tiny girl had only been in their lives for a short time, every member of the Taylor household had been enchanted by her.

And they thought of her as their own.

Nate was happy that his parents loved Jackie. He, himself, wasn't as oblivious as they thought he was – he knew that Jackie wasn't even close to falling in love with him. He knew that Jackie had dealt with a lot of shit back in the boonies of Wisconsin, and she was still dealing with it. He didn't have to be a Nobel prize winner to realize that whatever made Jackie move miles and miles away from home had to be some fucked up shit. No one goes that far away from home so relatively quickly unless home doesn't feel like home anymore. And Jackie, the few times she had talked about Point Place, would always have this look in her eyes and this tone to her voice. It was as if whatever fucked up shit that had happened before her coming to New York had killed a vital part of her inside.

Nate would give his right arm to know what asshole put that look in her eyes, that tone to her voice.

He got a part of his answer on September 25th, 1980.

It was just a regular day. Nothing major happened that Thursday – he went to classes, had some coffee with Jackie and Melissa before he went to meet with some of his friends for a game of football in Central Park, and then headed back home for dinner with his family and Jackie.

It was just a boring, regular day.

Until Nate walked into the Taylor penthouse, and overheard a conversation that explained…well. It explained _every_thing.

He was heading to the back towards the kitchen, when he heard Jackie.

Crying.

"Hey, Jackie, it's okay… I know that this is how I felt when Billie Holiday died…" he heard his mother say.

_What are they talking about? _He wondered.

Jackie didn't even really understand why she was crying. All she knew is that when she heard "John Bonham, Led Zeppelin drummer, dead at 32," the part of her that still ached for her Steven, broke inside. Hyde adored Led Zeppelin – he had every album, knew every word to every song. He had tried, with some success, at getting her to like them, and she had to admit that she liked some of their softer, slower songs.

Bonham had provided the beat to the music that she and Steven had listened to, smoked to.

Made love to.

And now Bonham was gone, and with his death, Jackie felt like a piece of her was dying, too. The piece that was still holding on to a thread of hope that Hyde would come after her, and love her the way she needed him to.

She couldn't explain it – but it was as if Bonham's death represented everything that she had thought she had said goodbye to – Point Place, Donna.

Steven.

But they were still there, entrenched in her heart.

And it was this realization – that she would carry them and their betrayal forever – that made Jackie break down to wailing sobs.

Barbara didn't think that the news on John Bonham's death would affect Jackie so greatly. But she was a smart enough woman to realize that there was more to Jackie's tears than grief over the fallen drummer.

There was something deeper meaning to Jackie's tears.

"Jackie…is there something else?"

She hadn't meant to say anything. She didn't want Mrs. Taylor to think that she was leading her boy on, that she was some gold digger, only out for a portion of the family coffers.

She cared about Nathan. Deeply and truly. She would never deny that.

But it was the soft look on Mrs. Taylor's face, the intense compassion in her eyes – the compassion that Jackie had only really seen in the eyes of the Formans – that broke her down. Because – save for a depressingly small few – had ever looked at Jackie like that. It was an incredibly small number of people that had given Jackie what Mrs. Taylor was so openly offering.

Comfort.

Jackie hadn't known she was starving for it until Mrs. Taylor had looked at her with those empathetic eyes of hers.

And Jackie broke.

And told her about Steven.


	10. Regrets & Realizations

**A/N: Happy Easter, everyone! Thanks for all your reviews and whatnot…I really appreciate them! Like, seriously – they make me feel all sweet and gooey inside – like a chocolate chip cookie. =) **

**Disclaimer: Listen, homie. If I had ownership of **_**That 70s Show**_**, Hyde would've been Mrs. Jackie Hyde since that date on Veteran's Day…**

**Chapter 10: Regrets & Realizations…**

Eric looked around his basement, and wondered when exactly life got so complicated. Was it when he proposed to Donna? Was it when they caught Jackie and Hyde making out on the couch? Was it when Hyde cheated on her with that nurse?

Or was it when he had left for Africa, and the world as he knew it got shot to shit?

Eric Forman might not have been a betting man, but if he had been, he would've bet on horse number four.

The summer of 1980 had come and gone, and it had been lousy. The infamous dinner when Red all handed them their asses on a platter was still fresh and vibrant in his mind, even months after the fact.

It was funny how not even watching the _Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back_ seventeen times (Vader is Luke's _FATHER! _And Leia and _Han?_ He still couldn't wrap his head around it) could wipe out the aftertaste of shame and bitterness that that dinner had left behind.

And if the tense environment in the basement had been any indication, it had left the same aftertaste on his friends' palates, as well.

Personally, Eric didn't know how it all came to this. Granted, to him, Jackie was the devil, but…if what Fez had told him was true, then _man_… He couldn't believe that the love of his life would do that to her best friend. Yeah, he knew that Donna could be bitchy…but. He couldn't believe that Donna had _that_ amount of cruelty in her. To completely ignore Jackie, who even _he_ could tell adored Hyde, and to ditch her for a stripper…

And to let Hyde constantly and consistently burn her…for _what_, man? For having the gall to love him?

Dude, it just…it wasn't right.

But Eric Forman knew which side of his bread was buttered, and so he kept his mouth shut when the topic of Jackie came up in the basement. He just agreed with whatever bullshit nonsense that Donna came up with to make her feel better, and partook of the circles that Hyde seemed to be having round the clock lately without complaint. He doubted his girlfriend and his best friend slash brother would be happy to find out what he _really_ he thought about their actions this past year.

Eric Forman would happily admit that Jackie was never his favorite person in the world. She wasn't. But she loved his brother without reservation. Pushed him to be more, to _want_ more.

And, to Eric…that made Jackie incredible.

But he, too, was feeling guilty. He thought of the trip to Chicago to visit Kelso after Jackie had been gone for a month, and his almost ridiculous glee of being rid of her. Rid of her, his _ass_. No matter what Red had called him in the past, Eric wasn't dumb. For all his bitching and moaning about her evilness, he could admit that he and all his friends needed her. Jackie, for all her shallowness, had been a better friend to them than they had been to her. She had been there for all of them, regardless of whatever had been going on her life. She had had to deal with her boozy (yet _hot _mom with an _awesome_ rack) mother coming back from seemingly out of the blue, and yet she still took the time to help Donna with the wedding that wasn't. Fez told him how she had helped Kelso figure things out with Brooke, and had helped Fez stand up for himself at the salon. She had helped Hyde reach out to his father, had helped _him_ hundreds of times with Donna, helped his dad with the Toyota, and gossiped with his mother...

And for all that…Jackie got treated like shit.

It was a wonder why she didn't leave Point Place sooner, really.

After that _great_ dinner where the shit literally and metaphorically hit the fan, Fez had _really_ told him what had happened while he was away. He had told Eric about all the times that he would hear Jackie cry herself to sleep in her room. How she would sometimes cry in the shower. How the light in her eyes had gone flat, and even the tones of her voice had changed. It amazed Eric the detail that Fez went into, but considering the fact that Fez had been in love with Jackie since the moment they met, he found that it shouldn't have been all that surprising. For all his perverted ways and general all-around creepiness, out of all of them, Fez had never abandoned Jackie. He had held her when she cried, joined her in her laughter, and had helped Jackie try to find her way back to herself. While Donna had left Jackie behind to join forces with a stripper, Fez had picked up the best friend baton that Donna had so unwillingly carried for the past several years. No longer was Donna the one that Jackie would come to talk to. If Eric were to really think about it – and it hurt him deep in his heart that he could think this – but Jackie had been a better friend to Donna than Donna had been to Jackie. He remembered when everyone found out that Jackie had been staying with Hyde, and the pressure it took for Donna to agree to let Jackie stay with her.

It had taken a _lot_ of pressure, man….

While it sucked complete balls that Jackie had left, what had sucked more for Eric were the events that led to it. When he had been Africa, the loneliness that came from being without his friends and family for really the first time in his life had been almost too much to bear. But he had fallen in love with the kids there, taught them about _Star Wars_, met some awesome volunteers. And while it never completely took away the ache of being away from Point Place, the new experiences had made that ache more tolerable. Regardless of the fact that he had come back from Africa early, he had needed to go. Needed to see what was outside Point Place's city limits, needed to become the man that Donna deserved. And, most of all, he had needed to go for himself. He was sick and tired of being the "scrawny neighbor boy," sick of always having to explain how a dork such as himself got such a hot girl like Donna. He wasn't particularly good looking, he wasn't rich, he didn't have zen or whatever the hell was that Hyde had. He could be charming, he supposed, but that wouldn't be enough to keep a girl like Donna, who was hot and smart and so very sexy. He had gone to Africa to become the man that Donna deserved, that Donna _needed._

And now…now he had come back from Africa early, having decided that he couldn't bear another second away from the love of his life, only to come back and find out that absolutely everything had changed.

His best friend, no, _brother_, had married a stripper. Kelso – _Kelso!_ – had become the responsible one. Fez had more tang than he knew what to do with, and the love of his life – the one who he wanted to bear his children – she had simply stood by, watched as her best friend watched the love of_ her_ life marry some skanky stripper.

How can things change so quickly?

As the television blares on in the background, Eric finally comes to a conclusion. Maybe he should never have gone to Africa. Maybe, if he had stayed, found some other way to go to college, found a job – maybe….maybe things would've been different. Maybe he could've convinced Hyde to ditch the stripper, work things out with Jackie. Because, he realized as he got up to get a popsicle, that's what was the core of the problem.

Jackie and Hyde.

Eric quietly chuckled, amused at the irony. Here he thought that he and Donna were the group's golden couple, but the reality was actually far from it. Underneath everyone's noses, while he and his red-headed neighbor girl had gotten engaged and he had chickened out and had practically left her at the altar, Jackie and Hyde had fallen deeply in love with each other. What Eric had thought had been a creepy and unnatural relationship, based on shallow emotion that had nowhere near the depth of the love that he and Donna supposedly had – had been the exact opposite. Jackie and Hyde had brought out the best – and sometimes the worst – in each other. Hyde had grounded Jackie, turned her from an annoying little girl to an alluring woman. With Jackie, Hyde had been _less_ than less pissed off – he had been happy. Together, they made each other real – more than the one-dimensional caricatures they had played off to be to their friends. They had brought the more in each other that no one else had had the patience to look for. Jackie had seen in Hyde more than just some burnout. And while even he was loathe to admit it, but Hyde had seen in Jackie more than some stuck-up cheerleader. While everyone had been focusing on the almost comedic relationship that Eric had had with Donna, Hyde and Jackie had gone and formed a relationship that went deeper than anyone had ever given them credit for. As everyone else watched the drama that had unfolded with him and Donna, Eric had started to realize that Hyde and Jackie had been reaching a level of intimacy and maturity that he and Donna had yet to even _get_ to.

As he sucked on his popsicle, his thoughts on Jackie and Hyde, Eric came to the uncomfortable notion that had been floating around his brain since the infamous dinner. If Donna Pinciotti was the love of Eric Forman's life – and he had no doubt that was the case, then Jackie Burkhart was the love of Hyde's. And the more he thought about their relationship, the more he considered Hyde's newfound refusal to be sober for more than an hour, about Donna's self-righteous indignation over Jackie's disappearance – he finally realizes what Jackie and Hyde had went deeper than anything he had ever seen. Their relationship wasn't perfect, wasn't some idealistic version of the perfect love.

No, Jackie and Hyde's relationship had been made up of flesh and bone. It had had its faults and insecurities. It had consisted of two people who were proud and stubborn, who had met their match in each other. It hadn't been perfect, it hadn't been some fairy tale or some stupid childish immature notion of true love.

But it was real. Powerful. It had been, in essence, two different planets from two different universes that had collided and exploded, and the explosion had been beautiful.

But then he this stupid idea of going to Africa, Hyde marries a stripper, Donna becomes the best friend from hell, and all of a sudden, Fez and Kelso are the only ones that seem to make any fucking sense.

And Jackie…Jackie gets left out in the cold – by the people that she thought were her friends, yet flake on her graduation party and treat her like she's some sort of cancer.

And Eric Forman looked around his basement – from Hyde's chair, to the lawn chair, to the television blaring a laundry detergent commercial, he finally realizes what the problem was really all along.

"Red's right. We _are_ all dumbasses."


	11. Tell Me, Bud's Son

**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, you guys! Love you all – you guys are like, the BEST!**

**Disclaimer: C'mon, dude. Seriously?**

**Chapter 11: Tell Me, Bud's Son…**

Of all the stupid holidays – and they were all stupid, in Hyde's opinion – Thanksgiving had to be on the top five of holidays that he despised. The celebration of giving thanks – what_ever_, man. Thanksgiving was just another ridiculous holiday. So the Pilgrims and the Indians came together – what the fuck did the Pilgrims do _then?_ They came, and conquered, took away the Indians' land and freedom, and forced them to live their lives on reservations, because some stupid European white man couldn't handle the heat of some religious persecution.

Pussies.

And come on – it's not like Hyde had a lot to be thankful for _anyway_. Most of his life had been spent in absolute misery. It was only by some cosmic kickass intervention by the cosmos (and Forman's big freakin mouth) that he had somehow survived the wrath of Edna and Bud. And then later, come to find out, Bud wasn't even his father.

Which, when he took the time to really think about it – which wasn't often, just to be clear – kind of appeased him, and pissed him off. Just because a kid wasn't yours doesn't give you the right to treat him like shit and _leave_. Granted, W.B. hadn't been there either, but W.B. hadn't _known_ he had a son. Bud thought Hyde was his, and treated him like shit anyway. Left Hyde behind to deal with Edna, and all of her abuse and bullshit. Oh yeah, Edna Hyde turned out to be a great mom. Mother of the freakin Year sixteen years running.

Whatever.

In more…chemically enhanced moments (which were_ always_ by himself), Hyde liked to think that the cosmos knew that they had really fucked up in giving him Bud and Edna as parents. So they gave him the Formans, which was perhaps the closest to The Cleavers as Point Place could get. But their cosmic penance came too late, because by the time that the Formans took him in, Hyde had perfected zen, and well.

The rest was history.

He lived life angry, and pissed, and just…determined to live his life in whatever way that he wanted. He got high, drunk, and laid. He laughed at his friends' expense, and was rightfully fearful of Mrs. Forman's menopause.

He was even able to keep a job. He was high most of the time…but whatever.

Details, baby…details.

And yet, through all of that – and it was freaking incredible to think that_ this_ was the highlight of his twenty years – but the best part of it – the best part of _him…_was a short, demanding, brunette cheerleader who had the balls to call him "Puddin Pop."

She had given him all she had. Everything inside of her – her heart, soul, _all_ – had been fed to him piece by piece, given to him in tiny handfuls. And when she was empty, when he thought there couldn't be any more inside of her to give…she found a way to give him more still.

Her capacity to love him, her uncanny ability to _know_ him, had made him stupid and insecure. Protecting himself from possible abandonment, from ridicule from his friends…from _feeling_. Jackie had made him feel, man. Even when she was being annoying to everyone else – she never really annoyed him. Hyde remembered it bothering it at the beginning when she started coming around – she had been this shrill, bossy, annoying presence that he had gotten used to – and later, enjoy. He didn't know when it happened, but…he had liked having her around.

She just…Jackie did wicked things to the blood, man.

That summer where they first hooked up was a blur of beer, circles, and making out with Jackie. God, his feelings for her had always confused him, since that frickin date on Veteran's Day. Shit, if he were to be completely honest with himself, the feelings that Jackie inspired had been bugging the shit out of him since he took her to prom. But that summer… _God_, their hooking up had been wrong and hot and intense and there were times when he would have given up his right to breathe if he could just stay deep inside her mouth. The lightening sparks that had been forced to lay dormant since their kiss on her daddy's Lincoln had raged so hot and bright, and as he thought back on it now it seemed amazing that they had waited so long to have sex. Their lust for each other had been so intense – but…even as she straddled his lap on the basement couch while having her tongue make love to his mouth, the pleasure that she gave far outweighed the release he got from nailing other girls. It was a feeling that would keep coming back, constantly in different forms – how life's experiences, even the crappy ones, they had just…they had felt better cuz Jackie had been there.

And now that she was gone…

Life just sucked, man.

And he hated her for it.

What the _fuck_! Steven Hyde wasn't supposed to act like this, _feel _like this. He wasn't supposed to be acting like frickin Forman, he was Hyde, zen personified, and now…

This wasn't supposed to happen this way. That girl…she wasn't supposed to be so entrenched inside him, so wrapped up deep in his heart and soul that now that she was gone even fricking _breathing_ had become an issue. She had represented the worst parts of life in his opinion – she was shallow, rich, mean, and bossy…

And it would _really_ make him freakin feel better about the whole entire situation if all that shit had turned out to be _true_…!

Because, regardless of all supposed bullshit justifications he would use to pull himself away from her – she really hadn't been any of it. When they were alone, when it was just the two of them – God, she had let him see parts of her that she hadn't shown to anyone else, not even her supposed best friend. She had opened herself up to him, talking to him about important stuff – stuff that _he_ had interest in, too. She talked about her mom, and her dad, and how their abandonment made her feel. How she sometimes didn't get Forman and his Red issues, because she would do anything to have a father that involved. In private, she was so much more than what he had originally thought she was, she was deeper, genuine, and she was just…

Her freaking imperfections had made her perfect for him, man. She had had the same issues, faced the same fears as _he_ did. And even as it became glaringly obvious how alike they were, he still held fast to the preconceived notions that he had of her, because to do otherwise would finally admit to the overwhelming depth of feeling this chick had aroused in him. And he couldn't do that. Couldn't do it because no matter what his birth certificate said, he was Bud's son, and Bud was an alcoholic jackass who fucked up everything in his path. And Bud's son didn't deserve to have someone that beautiful look at him with love and desire in her eyes, didn't deserve to have her look to him to have all the answers. Bud's son didn't deserve the love or the desire, and he sure as hell didn't have all the answers. All Bud's son was good for was a beer, a bag, and a bang.

And a stripper wife. Yeah, Bud's son was good for that, too.

So what if he had craved more? More for himself? Wanted to be less like Bud, and more like Red? So what if when he thought of "father" he thought of Red Forman? So what if he would look at how Red and Kitty were and then look at his faux wife and knew that they were never going to have that kind of marriage? He and Sam would never have that depth of understanding; never have that bond like Red and Kitty. Hyde knew that. He knew that because he was Bud's son, and Bud's son didn't deserve that kind of life. Didn't deserve that kind of happiness.

Steven Hyde didn't do happy.

He just did less pissed off.

Of all the lies he had told himself in the past five hundred days – the days he had spent ignoring Jackie's pleas for a future with him, days he had chosen to get wasted in the basement instead of going to her graduation party, nights when he would make love to her and deny the connection to save himself, nights when he chose to pass out in a beer warehouse instead of telling Jackie how much he needed her, nights he had spent wishing her the worst because he had caught Kelso in a towel even though he knew deep inside of himself that she would never go there, days and nights he got so plastered that he picked up some random stripper and married her, days when he would burn the shit out of Jackie, needing to see her cry and hurt and in pain in retribution for the shit show that was his life that he blamed on her and her alone, nights when he would let her fall into a creek cuz he was too wasted to help her, nights comparing her to every slut Point Place had to offer – all those days and nights that had been filled to the brim with lies and crap and his twisted sense of self-preservation that probably could've come undone had he admitted to one small and simple thing.

Happy. Jackie Burkhart made him happy.

But he couldn't do that, couldn't even _fathom_ admitting to that, because he feared the moment he did, she was gone. She would leave, after breaking him down, and she would run back to Kelso, after just dishing the greatest burn in basement history.

Jackie Burkhart didn't deserve Bud's son. She deserved good-lookin guys like Kelso, or rich dudes that could cater to her every whim.

But she didn't. She wanted, _needed_, him.

No, the lie that could've saved them wasn't his admitting to her making him happy. It was the lie he kept telling himself, day after day, night after night, that Jackie had just been biding her time, wasting time with him while Kelso grew the fuck up. He refused to believe that Jackie was his and his alone – because to admit it, to _believe _it – it would mean that he allowed himself to believe the fairy tale. The wife, the house, the kids – things that he never allowed himself to want or believe in because if Bud's son hadn't been enough for Bud, or even good enough for Edna, why the fuck would anyone believe that he was good enough for Jackie Burkhart, princess of Point Place?

And, _God_, he just kept fucking pushing her away, ignoring her pleas for something, _anything_, that would show her if she meant anything to him. That he saw her in his future. He didn't have the words for her, because, damn it, he _didn't_ know. He didn't know if she was going to be in his future because he wouldn't let himself believe that she would allow him in hers. That she wouldn't someday look at the crappy life he had provided for them, and walk out of it. It didn't matter that she swore she never would, it didn't matter that he could see the love and devotion almost dripping from her fingertips as they lay in bed – none of it mattered, because he couldn't allow himself the fantasy of having her beside him for life.

Even if that's what he wanted. Even if – the more he fell in love with her, the more she amazed him every day – even if he couldn't imagine a future without her in it. That he didn't want a future without her in it. None of that mattered. Because – at the crux of it, the core of it – Hyde loved Jackie the way he loved air – he needed it to breathe, to feel _alive_. And the fact that she had caused him to feel so many things in so many different ways…God, she had opened up a new world of feeling that he had spent so much of his life trying to avoid. She made him _feel_, made him want, made him _need_. He had never wanted something the way he had wanted her. Never needed someone the way she made him need. The feelings she had inspired had made him both furious and addicted to the feeling. Jackie had slowly become his drug of choice - the simple high that he would get from being with her. Being on the receiving end of her loving gaze was a high all on its own. And while his heart had rejoiced in the attention, his pride and sense of self-preservation had been furious to know that this 95 pound girl could fell him so easily.

She didn't have the right to make him feel this way. She was supposed to be his total opposite, to be everything that he swore he was against. But she wasn't. She was more like him than he ever admitted – had fought the same battles, waged the same war. But she didn't fight through life's bullshit with zen and detachment – she fought it by throwing herself into everything she could. Tried to be everything to everyone, in the hopes that her actions would make them want to stay.

And what does she get for her effort?

Shitted on. By everybody.

As he sat in his chair in the basement, reluctant to join the upstairs Thanksgiving festivities, he stared at the television, watching but not seeing. All Hyde could see in his mind's eye was her face, with those crazy, expressive eyes of hers. And how she would simply just…_exert_ emotion. God, but she was beautiful. Just fucking gorgeous, man. He would never admit it to anyone, but he had loved the fact that she was so emotional. So…_extreme_. Even when they were broken up, he had loved the fact that she had put her all into everything she did, even if that meant trying to prove that she didn't care about him anymore.

But he knew she did. He had always been able to read her.

Until he stopped trying.

Hyde sighed, not wanting to go down the whole stripper craptastic lane in his mind. Yeah, he fucked up, he knew that. Fucked up in one of the most unforgiving ways possible. He couldn't do anything to change it now, though, could he? So what was the point of all this brooding and introspection?

He needed a circle.

As he started to get up to get his stash, Brooke rushed in through the back door, with Betsy in her arms.

Hyde froze in mid-air. He didn't have a problem with Brooke, _per se_, but he remembered the attitude that she gave him when he went to visit Kelso in Chicago, and the anger plain on her face throughout the whole dinner fiasco. He had the feeling that Brooke didn't like _him _very much, but, he really couldn't blame her. Hyde was starting to finally be able to admit that for much of 1979 and all of 1980, his behavior had been severely lacking.

That didn't mean that he wanted to have a big, emotional, _Forman_-esque conversation though. That just wasn't his style.

"Oh. Hi."

"Hey."

_Fuck._ He had wanted to have a circle, but couldn't very well do it with the baby in the room. He wasn't _that_ far gone.

He also didn't want to raise Brooke's anger further. He'd had enough of recriminations and blame, and frankly, it wasn't the way he wanted to spend his Thanksgiving.

He also had enough of this gnawing discomfort any time someone was in the room with him, like they were pissed and frustrated and didn't know how to talk to him.

Hyde had had enough of that shit, too.

"So, uh…Yeah, I'm just gonna head out."

"Where are you going? It's Thanksgiving, Hyde. Mrs. Forman would be devastated if you weren't here."

"No, I'll be back in time for dinner. I just… I'm gonna go out for a drive." He paused. "Yeah."

Brooke Spencer had had enough. It was Thanksgiving, one of her favorite holidays, and the fact that there was this big ugly cloud over it this year was really starting to piss her off. Add to that fact that Betsy was being extra cranky today, Michael was being…_Michael_ – which wouldn't have necessarily bothered her except she had a particular hellish day at the library the day before, they had gotten stuck in traffic for like two hours from Chicago on the way over to the Formans, and she was on the first day of her period which just made her pissed to begin with.

She had come down here to get her and Betsy away from the madness upstairs for a little while, but now that she found Hyde here, she had a few things she wanted to get off her chest. She hadn't really expected to see Hyde down in the basement – she had thought he would be in his room, since he wasn't upstairs – but now that he was here, she had a couple of things to say to him. Michael and his friends could be scared all they want, but Betsy wasn't the only one who could throw a temper tantrum.

Plus, she wasn't one to let things lie. And this…_situation_ had gone on for far too long.

"Afraid to be in the room with your _goddaughter_, Hyde?" Brooke was snide. She snickered. "She doesn't bite, you know."

Hyde had a feeling of where this conversation was going, and he wasn't in the mood for it. He just wanted to go out for a drive, damn it.

"I just want to get out of here for awhile, okay?"

It took him a second…but from the look on Brooke's face at his response told him that _that_ had not been the right thing to say.

"Of course! The great Steven Hyde…once again, _leaving!_ That's what you do best, isn't it? Or have you made being a grade-A _fuck_ your signature move?"

Hyde was shocked. He had _never_ heard Brooke curse before.

Brooke stood there, staring at him furiously. Hyde wasn't the only one who was surprised, Brooke _never_ cursed, but the dillhole in front of her had pushed her to her limits.

"You know, when Michael told me how you had convinced him to stick around so he can be a father to Betsy, I thought that you were one of the good guys. That, beyond all the pot and the dirty t-shirts, you were really a good guy. But you're not. You're just some stripper-marrying tool who doesn't care how he hurts other people!"

At the sound of her mother's raised voice, Betsy started to cry. She was used to happy voices…and she was a little afraid. She had never heard her Mama this way.

"Shhhh, baby. It's okay," Brooke tried to comfort her daughter, while still remaining firm with Hyde. She knew that it was a tough job, but it was extremely difficult to hold the image of pissed off female while making cooing noises. It just didn't fit the persona.

Which pissed her off even _more_.

"Listen, Brooke…"

"No, _you _listen! Jackie _adored_ you. YOU! The conspiracy theory lovin burnout from the basement. She would've crawled to the ends of the earth for you. And what do you do? You, who anyone could tell would do the same for her, but do you cop to it? Do you even _once_ admit how much she means to you? No! All you do is treat her like she was some kind of hobby until you found someone else who was much more worthy of your time. You treated her like she wasn't worth the effort, like _you_ were the one lowering your standards," Brooke snickered. "Because we _all_ know that strippers and whores are so much more _worthy_ of your time than the girl who redecorated your room and went through God knows what lengths to make you _happy!"_

"Look, man…it wasn't…it wasn't _like_ that, okay? Me and Jackie…"

"You and Jackie _what,_ Hyde? Weren't good for each other? Weren't more similar than anyone would ever care to admit? Weren't abandoned by their parents? Weren't misunderstood by everybody else, yet you completely understood each other? Tell me, _Hyde_. Tell me how you couldn't just tell her that you wanted her in your future. Tell me how you could let her go to Chicago, when I'm sure you knew that that was actually the last thing she wanted. Tell me how you can go to Vegas and _marry a freaking stripper!_ How you can give a virtual stranger the _one_ thing that you couldn't even _admit_ to seeing with Jackie. How you can let that stripper stay, and treat Jackie like _she_ was the whore. Like _she _was the one that came in here and ruined everything. Tell me how you can treat Jackie like she didn't matter to you, like she was garbage, like she was worthless. Tell me how you could hurt the godmother of my child and treat her with such revulsion that she would cry herself to sleep almost every night. Tell me how you could let everyone else treat her like garbage, when you were the only one she _really_ trusted. Tell me how you can sit here, and drink and smoke and act like nothing's wrong, like nothing's your fault. Tell me how you could sit here, and have Jackie hundreds of miles away, instead of being here with her goddaughter. How you can't be a man and _finally_ go after her. How you're too much of a little boy to man up and be the man that Jackie sees in you."

"C'mon. Tell me, _Steven_. Cuz I would really like to know."


	12. What a Difference a Year Makes

**A/N: I know, I know! I'm a horrible fanfic author…but life issues got in the way. But I made you guys a completely perverted J/H one shot, did you guys read it? Go, read! It's completely dirty and incredibly hot and it'll probably make you want to have your own personal Steven Hydes at your disposal…And who doesn't want that?**

**Also, please pardon if some of this chapter jumps around a bit...but I think I likes it...**

**Disclaimer: Come on, son. COME ON, SON! **

**Chapter Twelve: What a Difference a Year Makes…**

If someone had asked Jackie Burkhart back in early 1978 what she would be doing New Year's Eve 1980, she probably would've told them that she would be living in a penthouse apartment with her husband, Steven Hyde.

And could've lit up the entire state of Wisconsin with her smile as she said it.

If someone had asked the same question back in 1979…well, they would've gotten a different answer. She would've said with her boyfriend, Fez, but her smile wouldn't have been as bright, her demeanor as engaging.

It didn't take a genius to know that her heart wasn't into Fez as much as she let on.

So was it any real surprise, that as the final moments of 1980 came to a close, she was almost in the exact same predicament that she was back in Point Place, Wisconsin?

Granted, she no longer was the richest girl in the room. Or even the most snobby. But the events of the past couple of years – years she spent loving and existing only for one Steven James Hyde – had shaken her to her core. She was no longer the eternal optimist of 1978.

But neither was she the broken girl of 1979, either.

As she looked around the revelers in the Taylor penthouse apartment, Jackie had to admit to herself that she had done okay this past year. She still wasn't over Steven, but she was trying to move past it. She refused to let him win, refused to have him that control over her. She knew it sounded crazy…but she just _couldn't_ let Steven win. She couldn't let him think that she wasn't moving on, that he had broken her. She was Jackie frickin Burkhart. _No_ man could get her so low.

Who was she kidding? Of course he broke her.

To pieces.

But she was on her way, wasn't she? Who would've thought, only three hundred sixty-five days ago, that she'd be at a party for one of Manhattan's wealthiest families? That she'd be surrounded by music executives, producers – the who's who of the music industry, all around her, close enough to touch?

If it wasn't ironic that she was surrounded by the very same people that she would've loved to be surrounded by less than a year ago, and how now she couldn't care less…if that wasn't the height of irony…then what was?

As 1980 came to a close, as she kissed the man that she liked but did not love, as she tried her hardest to smile and laugh and hold in the sobs that wanted to burst out of her chest at the injustice of it all – Jackie swore that these were the last tears that she would shed for her past. The last tears that she would cry over wounded pride, over miscommunication, over past mistakes that cost her everything. She was done. They were over.

And she knew she lied.

Again.

* * *

><p>Jerry and Barbara Taylor did not keep secrets from each other.<p>

When Jerry's friend David Tanner told him that he was cheating on Mrs. Tanner with a waitress from a diner on the Lower East Side, Barbara was the first person he told. It wasn't like he was a gossip hound – in fact, quite the opposite. Jerry _hated_ gossip. But if his wife found out that David was cheating and that Jerry knew about it – there would most certainly be hell to pay.

And the hell that Barbara rained down on her husband was with a weapon that she wielded with stunning ease and precision.

She withheld sex.

And walked around with everything that turned her husband on, knowing he'd cave.

He hated being such a sucker.

But…his wife…even after twenty-five years…she still could get him hard with just a look.

Damned woman.

But he couldn't say that the feeling wasn't mutual. His wife couldn't keep things from him either, and while he was a man that hated gossip, he was also a man that was wise enough to appreciate that his wife wanted no secrets between them, regardless if they were hers or not. He knew she knew that the secrets shared between them would stay that way, and both of them craved that intense intimacy as if it were oxygen.

And that was pretty frickin great.

So it was of no surprise that Barbara Taylor told her husband of what was really going on with their son's girlfriend. She told him about Jackie's Point Place, about her mom. Her dad.

Steven Hyde.

And now…Jerry Taylor was furious.

He wasn't there – he knew that. But Jackie deserved better. She did. Because, like his son, like every member of his household – Jackie Burkhart had captivated him. She wielded a power that not many people had, and could have people eating out of the palms of her hand in an instant. She was charming, and beautiful, and intelligent. It amazed him on so many levels that the people that had created her, the very people that had brought her into this world – could be so callous. So selfish.

So destructive.

As a father, he couldn't understand what the fuck they were thinking. As seriously as he took his work and career, he never would choose those things over his family. _Never._ To miss out on his children's birthdays, or miss out on recitals, or games…for a fucking _job_?

Fuck that.

There was nothing, _nothing_, more important to Jerry Taylor than his family. Absolutely nothing. Nothing more important to Jerry than being waked up by his kids to see what Santa brought them on Christmas morning. Nothing more important than being able to intimidate those horny teenage bastards trying to go out with his little girl. Nothing more important than being able to cheer his son on at a basketball game.

He wasn't gullible enough – or naïve enough – to think that every man was like him, that every man got the best kind of satisfaction from raising a family, and being there for their kids. He got that. He _got_ that.

But he would _never_ respect or accept it.

It was this fury at Jackie's parents that had Jerry look at Jackie with extra fondness. Barbara told him not to treat her any differently than before – but how could he not? How could his heart not break for her – this tiny gorgeous girl with bright eyes, who had been treated like shit by the people she had entrusted her heart to? How could he not want to break Jack Burkhart's face for not being there for his daughter? For not caring about her welfare, for leaving her alone with no one to care for her? How could his wife expect him to not want to avenge her? She had been a child, with no place to go, no one to soothe her. No one stood up for Jackie, no one loved her unconditionally.

She – who had loved so much – was ever rarely shown that love in return.

It fucking made Jerry sick.

Jerry's anger, while heavily targeted towards Jack and Pamela Burkhart, waned a bit when it came to the topic of Hyde. It's not that Jerry didn't burn with anger like he did with Jackie's parents – he did – but it was the kind of anger that was laced with something akin to understanding.

Jerry didn't know this Hyde, this _Steven_. But as his wife told him Jackie's story, his mind began to draw a picture, and his gut began to color in the lines. The painting that his mind and intuition was that Steven was a man that was filled with some self-loathing, a truckload of mistrust, and a shitload of issues that would cause him to misuse and mistreat the one person that loved him beyond herself.

Jerry could understand it, even excuse it – but he didn't accept it.

He didn't accept it because his father told him, countless times told him – that life wasn't easy. It was hard, and sometimes painful, but the beauty in life made it all worth it. Yes, Jerry was affluent and rich – but he wasn't always that way. He had to fucking work hard, and use every means necessary to protect his family. He was never going to use his wife's position to get where he needed to go – he did things on his own, with his own means. It had been his mantra from day one, "if it means something, you've gotta work for it." He didn't accept those that couldn't abide by his motto, didn't suffer the fools that wanted the easy way. Fuck the easy way. The easy way was for assholes who didn't have the balls to fight for what they wanted.

And that's what Jerry saw when he thought of Hyde – he saw a coward.

But he didn't say anything to anyone other than his wife – as was his custom. He didn't tell his children how much more he loved them than before – a thought that he would've deemed impossible – at taking this girl under their wing. Because of all the things that Jeremiah Taylor hated, of all the things that drove him up the wall – racism, ignorance, not having half and half in the office – the thing that he hated the most, the thing that it almost _pained_ him to see - was an abandoned child.

And that's what he saw when he saw Jackie. For all her worldliness, for all her charm, for all the hard lessons life had taught her in her nineteen years – in Jerry's mind, that's _exactly_ what he saw when he looked at her.

He saw a child, in desperate need of someone to stand for her.

So, that's what he did. He stood for her. He took her under his wing, very much the same way that his wife had. His children never noticed a difference in the way that their father treated their friend…but his wife did.

Which was the reason that she wore that pale blue teddy to bed last night. He always loved the way she looked in blue.

Especially when the garment was so easily discarded…

With his teeth.

Nothing turned Barbara Taylor on more than her husband being a good father. Nothing.

It was the fourth time this month.

She was going to be buying some more tomorrow.

* * *

><p>As the winter months of 1981 came to a close, as the city of New York began to welcome spring, Jackie found herself in a place that she never really knew she could be. She was moderately happy – her professors were beyond ecstatic at her work, Mr. Taylor was able to finagle her with a paid internship at a <em>national<em> network, and her relationship with Nate was going really well. In fact, it was going so well, that it had dawned on Jackie that maybe it was time to take their relationship …to the next level.

It had already been a year. Nate had never pressured her, never tried to do more than what she was ready for – and she was grateful. But she didn't really know what to do with such patience, she never really had any experience with it before. With Michael, from their first kiss on – it was all about sex for him. He rushed through the steps, wanting to get to the finish line as quickly as possible. Even after she had lost her virginity to him – no matter where they were or who was around, sex was all that he wanted. She, of course, had learned quickly to control and manipulate the situation to her advantage, but all the gifts and unicorns and flowers never made up for the fact that while Michael was begging her for sex, he was getting same from whores like Laurie and Pam Macy. It sometimes still puzzled her, really – how he could want so much sex from her, when he was out diddling anything in a skirt. All the sexual experience Michael seemed to cultivate didn't exactly mean pleasure for _her, _per se. If anything, all that cheating tired him out, as he could never last for more than a couple of minutes.

_If_ she was lucky.

But she had hit the jackpot with Steven.

With him…it still somewhat amazed her that she had made him wait so long. _God_, that summer when Michael and Donna had been in California had been one of the hottest summers of her life. Steven made her feel things physically that she never thought possible.

And that was just from kissing.

Kissing him…it made her _want_. Being in the same room with him would automatically raise her body temperature to about a thousand degrees; the looks he would give when no one was watching would send about a thousand electrical pulses between the flesh of her thighs. Every time they were alone, his fingers would entangle themselves in her hair, and she'd be drunk with the things he made her feel. They never went any further than she wanted to…and _God_, it had almost driven her insane to make him wait. But sleeping with Steven would've meant so much more than sleeping with Michael. She had been terrified of the feelings that he had inspired in her – terrified that she would just become a notch on his bedpost, terrified that once he got what she assumed he wanted, he would leave her high and dry, having made the best possible burn in basement history – making everyone believe that he cared…and leaving, just when she had given him her body.

It wouldn't have been the first time that she had given a guy a piece of herself…to have him throw it away the minute the deed was done.

But he hadn't.

He didn't.

Until the nurse, of course.

Sex with Steven wasn't _just_ sex. It never was. There was a rhythm that only they two knew – a melody that their bodies made together that was better than any music she had ever heard. It was only with Steven that she had discovered foreplay, only with Steven that she had discovered the full meaning of making love. They would literally spend _hours_ in bed together. They would steal away hours in her room – away from the basement and all its interruptions – and it was only in those times where she would lay in Steven's arms that she would feel as if life didn't have it out for her. And even amongst all her girlish things – all the pink and unicorns and ABBA posters – it was only when Steven was lying in bed with her that Jackie truly felt at home, truly at peace.

Of course…it would've have been after he had worked her body to an obliterating crescendo…and would eagerly await a repeat.

Oh, he knew how to work her body _so_ well…

It would've shamed Jackie if everyone knew how often it was that _she_ would be the one to initiate sex. But Steven…the physical needs that he inspired in her would always shock her with their intensity. Having him, _needing_ him, wanting him – it would all jumble up inside of her until she felt that she would nearly burst into flames if he wasn't inside of her. The taste of his skin underneath her lips was an addiction that she didn't want to ever recover from, the feel of him inside her was a feeling that fiends the world over sold their souls for to experience. It was the greatest high, the most debilitating emotion. Only Steven could make her feel as if she were flying with a simple touch. Only he could make her wish that the world would disappear with just a simple look. Jackie couldn't count how many times she'd be sitting on his lap, just watching TV in the basement – and he'd just…

Look at her.

Look _through_ her.

And they would immediately seek privacy.

They had ways of communicating that no one understood. A language built up on raised eyebrows, pursed lips, heated gazes, and small innocent touches that could send each other over the edge with need. She would sit on his lap, just watching television with the others, and he could light her world on fire with just a simple graze of his fingertips on her arm. The reaction was immediate, the message was sent, and Jackie would feel herself shiver with desire for him.

No man had ever made her feel the way that he did.

But that was before, and this was now, and Steven Hyde was in her past, and Nate Taylor was her present and foreseeable future. He was handsome, intelligent, kind, and most of all, patient. He had never called her a whore, never suggested a garden gnome as a possible suitor for her, never treated her with the malice saved for the worst of trash.

Nate had done none of these things, yet she was refusing him all of her…and for what? For a man that thought the worst of her, who had broken her in every way a man could break a woman?

No, she was done. Nate Taylor, with his gorgeous eyes and hot body and great personality had _chosen_ her. He _loved_ her. Of all the girls in New York, Nate Taylor had wanted to be with Jackie Burkhart, and she was tired of waiting for her heart to let go of the past and move forward to the future.

Steven Hyde was gone, better left in the past and forgotten. _Nathan_ deserved better.

As Jackie told Brooke after she had made her decision, Nate deserved to have _all_ of her.

So as their one year anniversary was approaching on May 8th, Jackie went into full on seduction mode. She had roped Melissa, and while Melissa groped and complained about how incredibly disturbing it was to help his brother get laid, it also proved how far her and Jackie had come. While Jackie never told her about her past in Point Place, she _had_ let Melissa in gradually. Melissa had been a welcome and necessary balm after Donna's betrayal, and Jackie herself had found that Nate's sister was becoming an even better – and far less self-righteous – friend than Donna _ever_ was.

Jackie knew that Nate was planning on recreating their first date, from the same restaurant they had gone to down to the very same driver that had navigated them through the streets of Manhattan. But this time, Jackie promised herself, he wouldn't let walk into her apartment alone.

She was going to make certain of it.

She had already started to revert back to some old Jackie ways – stopping the course of their makeout sessions in various points of passion. She knew it would keep Nate on his toes, and as Melissa would later share with her, it would make their first time together that much more special, as Nate would cherish it all the more cuz Jackie had made him work for it.

Plus…she had bought scraps of lace that was laughingly called a panty and bra set that she was certain would drive her boyfriend crazy.

The week of their anniversary, Jackie started to feel…_weird._ It was a feeling…a sense of foreboding and unease that seemingly tainted all her happy moments. What was worse about this feeling was that it was oddly familiar, but yet Jackie couldn't place it. This feeling grew the closer it got to Friday, and as she opened the door to let Nate inside her apartment, she almost convinced herself that the feeling was fate telling her not to take the next step with Nate.

But, as she put the flowers that Nate had gotten her into a vase from the kitchen, fate had fucked with her life for long enough, and she was done being fate's bitch, thankyouverymuch.

"You ready to go?"

Jackie looked up at her boyfriend – at her gorgeous, thoughtful, non-stripper loving boyfriend – and metaphorically gave fate the finger.

"Of course, baby."

They were kissing passionately in the back of the car as the driver drove them back towards Jackie's apartment. They both had had tons of champagne in celebration, and Jackie, seemingly free from fate's unwelcome and unsuccessful to try to fuck her over once again, was feeling happy…and horny. Desire, lain dormant for so long in her body since Steven's devastating exit, had finally been aroused and was welcomed back with open arms. Jackie was giddy from the champagne, and heady with arousal. Tonight was going so perfectly. Sleeping with Nate would be the ideal way to end it.

As they pulled up to Jackie's apartment building, Jackie pulled away from Nate's passionate embrace and asked the question that they had both been waiting for.

"Do you wanna come inside?"

Nate smiled, his eyes filled with desire, and a love that the old Jackie would've happily squealed over. He licks his lips, and whispers quietly in her ear, "I thought you'd never ask."

And they kiss once more.

As Nate and Jackie get out of the car, stumbling because of the drink and laughing because of it, Jackie fails to notice a familiar car parked almost directly across the street from her building. The look of it fails to penetrate the wall of inebriation in Jackie's brain, and she dismisses the foreboding emotion that had followed her almost non-stop since the decision to sleep with Nathan had been made. And that seemed to grow the closer they got to her apartment.

And as Jackie and Nate get off the elevator, Jackie fails to acknowledge the warning bells that start going off in her brain. The bells that start increasing at an alarming rate the closer they get to her apartment.

And as they turn down the corner that leads to the hallway that holds Jackie's apartment, as Nate as his arms full of Jackie, and is nuzzling Jackie's neck, the bells that have been increasing in Jackie's head reach earsplitting levels, and as Jackie looks up, fate swoops in and softly whispers in Jackie's ear, "No. Fuck _you."  
><em>

"Ste-Hyde?"


	13. Tired of Not Trying

**A/N: You know what I just realized? (Other than the fact that y'all hate me at this point? LOL) A majority of the couples that I've wanted to be endgame…**_**aren't**_**. House & Cameron aren't endgame (although our ending was kinda sweet, knowing that Cam was the reason House got out); Mark & Lexie aren't endgame…& **_**hello!**_** Jackie & Hyde aren't together in the end, either! I've come to the conclusion that the eighth season of a lot of my shows just frickin suck, & **_**that**_** needs to change. Ugh. **

**I'm going to apologize for the somewhat choppiness of this chapter – I wanted to get something out to you as quickly as possible, & I feel that my quality has waned the last bit of chapters (I'm having some family issues, even though I don't think that's a valid excuse for poor writing). I've been reading some other fanfics in some other fandoms, & it really pisses me off when they have the main character act all **_**out**_** of character, & I hope to God I didn't do that here. I'd like to be as organic & true to the characters as possible, while having them do naughty things to each other & having them be honest w/ themselves & each other. I hope I've done that here. **

**Oh, & another thing – big up to those that read through this **_**long ass**_** author's note & all my readers. Even if you don't review & just follow me, that means a lot. It literally makes me *squee* everytime I get an email alert saying someone has favorited or followed or reviewed my stories. Y'all just rock my socks just as much as the new Nas album did (which was **_**a lot**_**, lol).**

**Disclaimer: Listen, homie. If you've read all the way up to here you should know I don't own these folks. If I **_**did**_**, House & Cameron would be making snarky blue-eyed babies together, Mark & Lexie would having sex in the woods, & **_**most importantly**_**, Jackie & Hyde would be celebrating **_**years**_** of happily wedded bliss. But they didn't, so what does **_**that**_** tell you? **

**Exactly…**

**Chapter 13: Tired of Not Trying**

It doesn't happen often.

The clarity. The _knowing_.

And for some….it never happens at all.

For Steven Hyde – the clarity, the _knowing_ – happened one rainy day in March, 1981.

For the rest of the world, the day had no special significance. No cures for cancer were found, world peace hadn't been attained, and poverty was still rampant in cities the world over.

For the rest of the world, that day in March was just one of many. It was like the one before, would be like the one that came after.

Except for Hyde…that day changed everything.

_Everything._

* * *

><p>It was on that day – the day that would shake Hyde to his very core with the realizations that had been building up for months – when he had heard Jackie's voice for the first time since his last burn on what was her last day in Point Place.<p>

It was Jackie's twenty-first birthday.

He had gone upstairs for some of the cookies that Mrs. Forman had baked earlier that day. He had been nursing a massive hangover, and heard Mrs. Forman talking to someone on the phone in the kitchen.

He never made it past the doorway.

He had heard Mrs. Forman's trademark laugh – the _real_ one, the one that she used when she was really happy about something, or found something really funny. It was strange, but it occurred to Hyde that he hadn't heard his surrogate mom laugh like that in a really long time.

Since Jackie left, actually.

So he was curious, and devious enough to go back downstairs to the basement, and eavesdrop on Kitty's conversation. He wanted to know who had brought out that laugh – the trademark giggles that hadn't been heard since Jackie had walked out the door.

So he sat on the couch, and, quietly picked up the phone.

"Ya know, Jackie, I just can't believe that you're twenty-one already! My God, but it seemed like just yesterday you were screaming at Michael for doing something stupid."

Jackie giggled. "You're gonna have to be a tad bit more specific, Mrs. Forman. Michael was _always_ doing something stupid."

Mrs. Forman chuckled. "This is sad, but true. Oh, well thank the good heavens that he's with Brooke. She brings out the best in him, ya know? And you should _see_ the way he is with Betsy. Of all those boys, I always thought that Steven – "

"Mrs. Forman, please don't," Jackie interrupted. "I don't want to talk about Ste-_Hyde_."

"Jackie," Mrs. Forman spoke softly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned Steven."

"It's okay," Jackie murmured. "I know he's like a son to you, but…that part of my life is over, ya know? I'm doing so well here, and Nate is so great, and he really _loves_ me, Mrs. Forman. I mean, the Taylors have been so wonderful to me, Nate especially. I never have to wonder where I stand with him, or worry that his foot is halfway out the door, like with…_him._ Nate loves me, Mrs. Forman."

"And…Jackie, do you love him?"

"Of course, Mrs. Forman! Nate's the perfect guy for me!" Jackie exclaimed.

"I'm not talking about love – I can tell that you love him, honey. I'm talking about…are you _in love_ with Nathan? Like the way you were with…you know who?"

"Kitty," Jackie paused. "I-I…I will _never_ love someone like I loved him. _Never._ And you know why?" Jackie whimpered. "Because loving that way _hurts._ It takes everything away from you, leaves you with nothing. Loving someone that way makes you give away everything you are, and more often than not – you receive _nothing_ back. You're the only one that loves like this, so you're the one that ends up moving hundreds of miles away, because you loved someone so much that you gave them all, and now _you're_ the one that feels empty, crying yourself to sleep every night. I will _never_ love someone like that, Mrs. Forman. I won't. I already did that once, and it broke me. I won't let it happen again."

"Oh, Jackie…"

"I just want someone to be there for me, ya know?" Jackie said, sadly. "Just someone who _wants_ to love me. Stev-he didn't. I was just…_there_, cuz I was hot and I put out and it burned Michael. But…he didn't want to love me," Jackie said, matter of factly. "So he didn't."

A pause.

"Well, this is _not_ the conversation we should be having on your birthday, young lady!" Kitty laughed, nervously. "Today is your twenty-first birthday, and it is a _happy_ day! So we're just gonna turn that frown upside down, missy!"

Jackie giggled. "Alright, Mrs. Forman."

"So what are your plans for the evening? Is that man of yours taking you somewhere special? And, what pray tell are you going to _wear_?"

"Oh my gosh, Mrs. Forman! The Taylors…"

And Hyde hung up, unable to hear anymore.

Today was Jackie's birthday.

And she was spending it with someone else, someone who _deserved_ her, someone who _wanted_ to love her.

How could she think that he didn't love her, man?

"You were eavesdropping, weren't you?"

Hyde looked up from the couch, to see Mrs. Forman looking down at him.

"_Eavesdropping? _I wasn't eavesdropping, what are you talking about Mrs. Forman..?"

"Steven," Mrs. Forman sighed. These kids. She wasn't stupid. Although she could use a belt of Jim Beam to deal with her second son's stupidity. "I heard the click. I know it was you."

"Well, maybe Red wanted to use…"

"Steven Hyde, don't you _dare_ lie to me!" Mrs. Forman exploded. "You know that man never uses the phone! Why can't you just admit it?"

Hyde looked at his mother…his _real_ mother anyway, and knew she knew. Fuck, he knew the minute he caught a whiff of her perfume before she had said a word.

The jig was up.

Hyde looked down at his hands.

"Does she call here a lot?" he asked quietly.

Kitty sat down on his chair, and silently bled for him. "Almost every other week."

"Has she…has she.." he couldn't get the words out. God, where the fuck did his zen go?

"She doesn't ask about you," Kitty informed him quietly. "You and Donna are not exactly her favorite people in the world…"

He looked down at his hands_. No shit_. If anyone had treated him the way him and Donna had treated Jackie…he wouldn't give a fuck about them, either.

"But I know she still loves you, Steven."

Hyde looked at Kitty, his temper rising. "No disrespect, Mrs. Forman, but I'm not Eric. I'm not some little kid that you have to lie to. I know she fucking hates me. And I don't blame her."

Kitty sighed, and grabbed Hyde's hand. "You know, Steven," she began. "The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference."

Hyde looked at her, confused. "What?"

"Honey, I'm saying that if Jackie didn't still have feelings for you, she wouldn't hate you. She wouldn't have moved hundreds of miles to get away from you."

"Yeah," Hyde said sarcastically. "Cuz moving to another frickin state _really_ shows the love. I'm not buying it, Mrs. Forman. Jackie hates me, and after all the shit I put her through, I don't blame her."

"But it _does_, Steven," Mrs. Forman said. "Can't you see? Why would Jackie move so far away from you? To a city that she has no ties to, a city that is as different from here as Point Place is to the moon – but she did it because she couldn't stand to be here anymore, without being with you. She still has feelings for you, sweetheart."

"Yeah, well," Hyde muttered. "It's obvious her feelings don't go as deep as you claim them to be. I heard you guys talking about her new boyfriend. I just bet he's a rich pretty boy, probably looks exactly like Kelso."

Mrs. Forman had had enough and stood up. "Just…just stop it, Steven!"

Hyde looked up, shocked. "Wha-what?"

"How _dare_ you say that that girl doesn't love you! Everything she has done has been for _you!_ She gave up that perfect job in Chicago, she decorated your room for you, she forgave you for not attending her graduation party, she even forgave you for sleeping with a _nurse!_ And you can sit there and have the audacity to tell me she doesn't love you? That girl moved _away_ for you! You had treated her so badly that you _broke_ her, Steven! And yes, she has someone new, but her heart will always be with _you!_ You were so wrapped up in your pride and ego and not getting hurt that you pushed away the one person who gave up a _dream_ for you. How can you not see how much she loves you? How could you hurt her so much that she moved away?"

Hyde looked at his feet, unable to meet the plea in Mrs. Forman's eyes for an answer. "I..I..don't know…"

Kitty sighed, knowing Steven wasn't used to feeling so much, so intensely. "Was her love that bad? Didn't…didn't Jackie make you happy, honey? Why couldn't you just…love her back?"

Hyde's head shot up, disbelieving. How could Mrs. Forman think that he didn't love Jackie?

_Maybe cuz you stopped showing it, dumbass._ A voice, that sounded strangely like Red's, sounded off in Hyde's mind.

"Mrs. Forman, I," Hyde stammered. Then stopped, defeated. Why _couldn't_ he just love Jackie back? Why did he have to make it so damn hard, why couldn't he take the laissez faire attitude that he had towards life in general and just _love her back?_

"You know, Steven," Mrs. Forman said quietly, again sitting back down on Hyde's chair. "I don't know what you think love is, but let me tell you, _real_ love isn't easy. It's hard, and it takes work, and," she chuckled softly, "it's almost terrifying to give your heart to someone else. But…it's worth it."

"Was it hard," Hyde couldn't believe he was asking this, and he hoped to God that Kitty understood and wouldn't blab about it to everyone, "was it hard…with Red?"

"Oh," Mrs. Forman laughed her trademark laugh, and smiled prettily as the memories of her and her husband's early years flooded through her mind. "Oh, sweetheart, _of course_ it was. You think being his wife is hard? It took the man getting blind stinking drunk to _finally_ admit his feelings for me, even though it was painfully obvious. But," she paused. "It was hard for him to admit it. Hard for him to let me love him, even though I did, almost from the beginning. He had seen so much – the war…it was hard."

"So what made him…what made him…" Hyde was curious. If Red Forman could have a hard time admitting to loving _this_ woman, maybe there was hope for him yet.

"Other than a bottle of bourbon?" Mrs. Forman asked, chuckling. "I loved him, from the beginning, ya know. Reginald Forman just…_dazzled_ me. He was so handsome, so _strong._ But…he had seen things. Done things. Terrible things. Being in the military, seeing men around you dying," she looked down. "It changes you. Fighting for freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be, apparently," she said, sarcastically.

"So how did he – I mean, how did he…"

"You can either live your life two ways, Steven. You can spend your life hiding, from people, from the way they make you feel, for the feelings they inspire in you. Or you can embrace it, and let people love you. And love them back."

Was that what he was doing? Was he…was he _hiding?_

"I'm just going to get started on dinner." Mrs. Forman stood up, and placed her hand on her adopted – and her favorite – son's shoulder. On a whim, she bent over and kissed the top of his head. "You're a good boy, Steven."

"But ya gotta stop being such a dumbass."

* * *

><p>It really didn't come as a surprise when a revelation, brought on by Leo's kickass stash, and something said by the man himself, that finally got <em>through<em> to Hyde in the most obvious of places.

The circle.

It was the same day – Jackie's birthday – and it was after the conversation that he had had with Mrs. Forman in the basement. He had gone out for a drive, needing the fresh air, hoping it would help the headache that last night's debauchery had left behind.

That had gotten imaginably worse the moment he had heard Jackie talking about somebody new.

Hyde wasn't stupid. He knew…Jackie was hot, man. Fucking gorgeous. And for all her shallow bullshit…that that's exactly what that was. Bullshit. Because – the reality of Jackie – the reality that Hyde was just really coming to terms with since he had forcibly pushed her out of his life…the reality of Jackie was that she was quite probably the best fucking high in the world. She had shot him up with her, and now she was there – in his mind. His blood.

His heart.

It would be stupid to think that she would wait for him to make up his frickin mind, that she would always be there, in the background, waiting for him to grow the fuck up and man up already.

She didn't wait – and he as much as he wanted to blame her…he found…he couldn't.

It was this thought in his mind and he walked into the record store, glad to see that it remained standing, even though he hadn't paid too much attention to it in the past year or two. Somehow, by the grace of God and all things rock and roll, his store had done well. W.B. had decided not to go through with selling out to that stupid laundromat chain, but he still gave the store to Hyde. Hyde was happy – the store meant money, which equated to beer, weed, and pussy – so he was cool.

And it eased the sting of having to call his dad a sellout.

Cuz that would've sucked.

At any rate, Hyde walked into the store looking for his favorite supplier – he had blown through his considerable stash the night before, and wanted to get some more. He knew there were other dealers in Point Place and Kenosha – he had tried them all before – but this was Leo. For all his confused ramblings, Leo knew his pot, man. And he would never give Hyde shit that sucked, or had been crossed with some crap. He had gone to a party once and was about to partake in a circle, when the chick that had taken the first hit started convulsing. The pot had been laced with a shitload of PCP, and the chick had to be sent to the hospital. Hyde vowed then to never smoke someone else's shit – in fact, since that party, Hyde got his pot from Leo exclusively. While Leo may not have been the sharpest pencil in the box, he loved Hyde like his own son, and would never let give Hyde pot that was laced with anything else but pure cannabis.

After a quick head nod to Forman, who was ringing up customers at the register, Hyde went to the back office where his favorite –well, _only_ – dealer and worst employee was napping on his couch. Hyde sighed, not really wanting to wake Leo up…but…it had to be done. Regardless of the massive hangover he had, today was his doll's birthday, and there was no fucking way he was going to deal with all the things he found out today sober. Just no fucking way, man.

"Leo, hey, Leo! Man, wake up," Hyde bent over and shook Leo awake, wanting to just get his brown paper bag and leave.

"Hey, Hyde, dude! Hey, did you see that little dude from _Fantasy Island _running around here with Jeannie? She kept calling me Master, dude! It was far out, man," Leo woke up, chuckling.

"Sorry, Leo. That sounded like a really good dream," Hyde apologized. "Well, if you take out the dude from _Fantasy Island_, anyway."

"Dream? I was dreaming? Nah, man – I used to know this chick named Jeannie, man. She kept hanging out with this military dude – he was way uptight, ya know? But she dug him, although I never understood it. But whatever, man," Leo said, as he sat up on the couch in Hyde's office.

Hyde had to laugh. Only Leo would swear he knew the characters of _I Dream of Jeannie_ personally.

"Okay, Leo. Hey, man, my stash – "

"Hyde, man, you wanna have a circle?"

Hyde smiled. "Leo, it's like you read my mind."

As Hyde took that first hit, felt the marijuana hit his system – he decided that maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. Maybe it was just…time to let Jackie go. _Really_ and _truly_ let go. After all the shit, and all the pain – pain that _he_ caused, shit that _he_ started – he couldn't blame Jackie for leaving. He had fucked up, and she deserved better.

"Hyde, man, you okay?"

Hyde looked up. "Yeah, man. I'm…I'm fine."

"Hey, dude, what happened to Loud Girl? I liked her, man. She was feisty," Leo said, smiling, passing Hyde the lit joint.

Hyde chuckled. _Feisty._ Yeah, Jackie was feisty.

She was his, too. Just…not anymore.

"Jackie's in New York, man," Hyde told him.

"Oh. Because of that stripper?"

Hyde looked at Leo, shocked. "What?"

"She left because of that stripper, right? Hyde, man – I didn't want to offend you or anything, but…I didn't like that stripper, man. She never gave me raisins like Loud Girl. Hey, did you know they're nature's candy?" Leo asked him seriously.

"Jackie…Jackie used to give you raisins?"

"Yeah, man!" Leo spoke excitedly. "She used to say that it was because you loved me, that's why she gave them to me. That since you loved me, she needed to love me, too. Cuz I was like your family, and she wanted to be your family, too."

Hyde looked at Leo, lit joint still in his hand, shocked.

"She-she said that? Jackie?"

Leo looked at his friend, and saw, even with his absent mind, what had Hyde tied up in knots. And even though he was as high as kite, couldn't remember where he stashed his car keys, couldn't even remember what frickin _day_ it was – he knew this.

Loud Girl loved Hyde, man.

And Hyde loved her back.

And like the great John Lennon said, "_All you need is love."_

Who was Leo to argue with the greats?

"Hyde, man. You should go get Loud Girl. Cuz you love her and stuff. Ya know," Leo looked down, snuffing out the joint. "I was in love once. It was great, man. She was hot – and we got married and had a kid and everything. But I let so much other shit get in the way, dude. I just went out for what I wanted, and forgot what I needed, ya know?"

Hyde looked at Leo, awed at how completely sober he looked, and at how sincere his words sounded.

"I fucked up, Leo."

"But ya gotta try, right? I…I never tried. Don't be like me, dude."

* * *

><p><em>I never tried.<em>

Had he? Had Hyde…_tried?_

_No. _

He hadn't.

And then…clarity – who had never really before come to his doorstep – hit him.

Hard.

Jackie was…Jackie would love after him. Regardless of whatever bullshit she had told Mrs. Forman on the phone – he knew that Jackie would move on. She already sounded like she on her way there, being with that dude Nate or whoever.

Jackie could be happy without him. Jackie could be happy never hearing from him again.

But he…he couldn't.

He _wouldn't._

Clarity, having not finished with beating Hyde into a pulp, hit him again.

_Really_ hard.

He was in love with Jackie.

He didn't know when it happened, didn't know when she had crept into his heart and mind and soul and began to _live_ there. But it didn't matter, man. It didn't. Because after everything's been said and done and repeated a billion times over, this one little fact would not, and could not, _ever _change – Jackie Burkhart would always have his heart, would always hold the key to it.

He was tired of pretending. Tired of acting her not being there didn't matter, tired of being so fucking zen all the fucking time and having had nothing to show for it. What the fuck had zen done for him lately? All the frickin zen in the world didn't make up for the fact that his doll was out there in New York, sucking face with some random dude who probably deserved her a helluva lot more than Hyde himself ever could. He was tired of the looks from all his friends, knowing that all of them to some degree blamed him for Jackie's departure. Tired of the looks of disappointment he kept getting from Red and Kitty – shit, even _Bob_ was looking at him like that.

And – mostly – he was tired of looking at himself in the mirror every day, knowing that the one person who thought the man in the mirror was perfect – he had pushed her away, terrified that once she knew how much she was needed…would leave him.

And, irony – oh how he loved the fickle bitch – was that Jackie _did_ leave.

Because she thought he _didn't _need her.

But need her he did.

And he was – _finally –_ going to do something about it.


End file.
